I was that girl in college and high school who wanted to get that spring break body. As if my body the remaining 358 days out of the year didn’t matter as much as the one I trotted around the beach in.
I wasn’t the girl who always dreamt of her wedding day. At times I wish I was, because I think I’d enjoy wedding planning a bit more, but I grew up with four brothers. Through my teenage years and into my young twenties, I wanted to get married one day, but never did I dream about my dress or the flowers or any of that.
But when I started dating Nick and marriage was in the foreseeable future, I would be a liar if I said I didn’t start to imagine how amazing I’d look on that day. The way the music would sound as a turned the corner, how the guests would rise, how my hair would gently move with the breeze, and most importantly – the way Nick would look at me as he watched his bride walk towards him.
I’d also be a liar if I told you initially after we got engaged I didn’t feel pressure to look a certain way on my wedding day. We live in a world where weddings have been totally commercialized, the diet + fitness industry makes billions, magazine covers are monopolized by promises of 6 pack abs and Pinterest is flooded with bridal workouts.
The moment those thoughts started to flood in my head though, I made a decision to relentlessly push back. So all throughout our engagement, instead of reading bridal magazines or fitness articles, I’ve chosen body positive podcasts and blogs, focused on self care instead of a strict workout regime, eaten foods that make me feel good instead of foods that carve my body into a certain shape, and prayed daily that my heart + mind would be most concerned with becoming holier so I can walk down that aisle on April 29th fully prepared to be the most loving wife I know how.
Around the city, I’ve heard women on the subway or in the grocery store share to their gf about their eating habits or blab about their pursuit to tone their triceps or lose those nagging 10 pounds. And all I want to do is hold her face and say thinness does not equal beauty. Marriage is not about the wedding. And a wedding is not about the size of your body.
This is so much more important than that! I don’t want to lose weight for my wedding because I don’t want to look back years from now and remember engagement as chasing thinness. I want to remember engagement as growing closer to Nick, closer to God, and spending joyous time with my family and friends. I want to remember the food we celebrated with, the laughter, the smiles, the conversations with those I love most….I don’t want to remember stressing out about when I’ll workout or not being to eat blah blah food at such and such restaurant.
Yes, engagement and a wedding does only happens once. And I sure as hell don’t want my body to be the focus. I want to look back and recognize the Robyn I see in the photos, and I want my heart to warm because of the love and joy I see with Nick and with our friends and family.
There is a huge difference in wanting to feel good and wanting to lose weight. And the wedding industry {and the diet industry} are not concerned with wanting me to feel good…they want me to look good. Feeling good means sleeping enough, slowing down to enjoy this season, eating foods that satisfy me, laughing a lot, doing movement I enjoy, and growing my heart closer to Nick and Christ.
I am enough just as I am, today, to be a fiancé. And on April 29th to be a bride and a wife. Getting ready for my wedding doesn’t mean shaping and molding my body to fit a dress or get the approval of others. Getting wedding ready means becoming more patient, selfless, kind, and more generous towards Nick. It’s learning to understand him better, and him me, so on our wedding day we are best prepared to step into marriage. And that has nothing to do with my dress size.
Right on. I remember ordering my wedding dress and the shop owner asked if she should order a size down “since most girls lose weight before their wedding.” Nope, not a chance. Wedding planning is stressful enough and, honestly, not that fun. I didn’t need an added stressor. Plus, my dress looked great as is. 🙂
Good for you! You are almost there!
This is one of the most beautiful, heartfelt posts I have ever read. You have a deep sense of self and a deeper sense of the true meaning of life and it’s beauty. You are on a meaningful journey. Don’t ever take it for granted. Have gratitude and heart for each and every little thing and people and your life will be filled with love, joy, peace and serenity and hope we have health. Btw, looked for you several times at Jax’s when I was there, but our paths never crossed.
Love this! I just got married and felt the same way, definitely wanted to look and feel my best for the wedding, however, losing weight was never part of the wedding planning. Throughout the planning there was one time a seamstress told me I should lose weight like “all brides do” so that my dress fit best since it was a little snug and I wanted the option to take it out some. Her response and adamant attitude that I needed to lose weight turned me away from her services since I was good with my body and was not going to use services from someone who treated me that way! I found a new/better seamstress and everything turned out perfect, I’m glad I didn’t get sucked into the wedding weight loss mind set. Thanks again for this post and all of your posts, love reading about your journey!
Good for your for putting your foot down – I love that. SO happy for you and know you are influencing women with you mindset 🙂 xx
I think this is one of my favorite posts, it’s open, honest, and insightful.
oxo thank you Amanda
Right on, lady. You have the right mindset to focus on the present with Nick and enjoy the excitement and love of the process. I never dreamed of my wedding dress or anything either. The dress was just an accessory for the day itself. What will stand out is all of your favorite people at the same place supporting YOU AND NICK. That feeling is one that is irreplaceable and was the absolute best part of my wedding day.
I get chills thinking of all the people we love in one place! Love that reminder 🙂
I couldn’t agree more. Sweating for the wedding is probably one of my least favourite phrases. Your guy proposed to you how you are, why do you need to change for the one day?
Ew. I hate that phrase. If I focused on sweating for my wedding I’d miss the whole point! Perhaps that plays into the divorce rate? Amen sister. He loves you for YOU.
I am getting married in September and actually ordered my dress in a larger size than I am now. I am in recovery from anorexia/restrictive eating (hopefully this will be the last time, 16 years is enough!) and know that I need to put on weight in order to be healthy. I didn’t want the size of a wedding dress holding me back from making the necessary changes to be healthy. A wedding is momentous, but it is just a moment. Thank you so much for being a voice of sanity in this “clean eating, dieting is normalized” world.
I love your approach – how brave and courageous and awesome! It IS JUST a moment. The marriage is eternal. Lots of love to you!
Amen!! So happy for you Robyn & cant hardly wait to see you on the most magical day of your life! Xoxo
Such an incredible post, Robyn. You are a role model for brides-to-be everywhere!! I’m going to take this same approach when my times comes. 🙂
<3 <3
LOVE. I love how your focus is to prepare yourself to be the best wife you can be for your fiance! I’ve been focusing a lot on that too lately since I’m getting married in June. He asked me to be his forever, so I gotta make it worthwhile for him, right?? The wedding is like a flash in the pan. The marriage is the thing to actually put your heart and soul into.
As always, love and appreciate your transparency. Your heart is in the right place. I’m excited for your marriage journey! <3
Yes yes yes. LOVE this post! Diet culture sucks ????????
OH. MY. GOSH. I was gunna comment on an Instagram post earlier and ask you to write a post about “the wedding diet” aka no way am I dieting for my wedding or anything else! I’m getting married in August, and the moment I tried on my backless wedding dress that I picked I thought “oh man I’ll have to get in shape real good for this” and then I took a step back and was like “you are in good shape… get your brain in shape not your body! Snap out of it!” And then made myself cookies and ate them! You’re such an inspiration! I can’t wait to see you and Nick glowing in the photos- I hope you feel as beautiful as you’ll look 🙂 and congrats again!!
YES! Train your heart not your body 🙂 congrats to you!!
I so love what you’ve said here! I think every young lady would benefit from reading it whether they are getting married now, later, or never.
Your push against the diet culture is an inspiration to all of us girls who simply want to live a healthy life and focus on the important stuff like family, friends, faith (or whatever you deem essential to a well-lived life).
Keep on doing your thing, girl!
Beautiful beautiful words!!! You are going to be radiant with JOY on your wedding day and that is so much more important than a body size/shape! Plus- I always reminded myself that the wedding was just one day but your marriage is forever and is so worth preparing for 🙂
YES – the marriage is worth investing time in!
Love this! There’s a bridal shop in my parents’ hometown where the featured gown in the store window is on a plus-sized mannequin. Because women of all shapes and sizes get married. Radical notion, I know.
Oh my I LOVE THAT.
YES. Spot on!!
I got married in October and this is the best advice!!! I’m also a RD and I always get women asking me about weight loss and when I was wedding planning got asked regularly about weight loss and getting in shape. I love your post if more people had your attitude then the world would be a better place! Thank you!! ❤️????
Tell them about shaping their heart not their body 🙂 xoxo
Absolutely beautiful post! I can totally relate to pretty much everything you wrote about in this post. I’m getting married in December and don’t plan on losing weight, just hoping to feel my best and happiest on our special day. The wedding and diet industry have honestly been irritating to deal with and almost take the fun out of the planning at times… so much importance is placed on ONE day while the most important part, the marriage itself, is left out. Anyhow, thank you so much for sharing such a great post!
so agree with you! It is not about a woman’s body! wishing you all the best during the planning and preparation 🙂 xo
AMEN
Amen. Amen. Amen. Sister, wow, I want to have this attitude; I really want to imitate you as you truly imitate the love of Jesus in this post. I love that you said you want to focus on being holier, on praying for more purity than a perfect body size. Robyn, the joy just SHINES. <3 Can not wait for that day to happen for you. You are a blessing from the Lord!
Girl! Preach! Can’t get enough of your posts–love the pureness of your heart! Amen to all of this. Can’t WAIT to see photos of your wedding. SO SOON!! Xoxo
I legit think you were in my mind this week! I wrote such a similar post (coming to my blog soon!) about why I’m not shredding for my wedding with SO many of the same sentiments!! This is SOOOO a message we need out there more!!! BRAVO! And ahhh so exciting it’s wedding month!!
we are in good company then! 🙂 xo
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I just have to say that this blog post is everything I needed to hear. I am getting married in December but I’m also on the intuitive eating path after YEARS of dieting. I am becoming a RD and want to help people realize that dieting isn’t the answer. Your blog is such an inspiration! Thanks for doing what you do 🙂
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