Connie, one of our interns, is guest posting today about shopping for your changing body. Enjoy!
Giving grace to my body was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. By grace I mean allowing it to be whatever shape it decided it wanted to be when I allowed myself unconditional permission to eat my favorite foods (Cody wrote an awesome post on that here) in an intuitive way and move in a way that made me happy and felt good.
Grace doesn’t mean I totally love my body or I think it looks good in all types of clothes. Grace to me means acknowledging that my body is what it is and I should dress it appropriately. Once I figured out that my “maybe I’ll fit into those smaller size jeans” jeans weren’t fitting me appropriately anymore I sort of adopted a new way of dressing myself that allowed me to feel cared for and confident. Those too small jeans were from a life I lived before finding intuitive eating and intuitive movement and hanging on to them wasn’t helping we work towards body acceptance.
(Hiking is one of my favorite forms of movement. Taking time to move outside and take in some nature is one of my fav forms of self care)
At that point I knew I didn’t want to keep my poorly fitting clothing any longer but I also loathed the idea of shopping because shopping and I were never bffs. Whether it was breakdowns in the dressing room or being happy with an item and then feeling like I wasn’t cool enough to wear it or was too confused as to what I should pair it with, the whole experience had always been stressful in the past. I didn’t want to deal. No way.
But, I knew I would have to buy some new clothes eventually, so very slowly, I began to give away what didn’t fit or didn’t make me feel good. Remember…this was slowwwww. So if the idea of this seems scary for you right now, that is okay. After giving away clothes, I began making a list of everything I thought I needed for a new, feel-good-in-my-body wardrobe. The giving away was relatively easy because at this point I was about to leave Chicago (where I completed my undergrad) and head start a new chapter in grad school. The newness of that move felt refreshing. Don’t let me fool you though, the shopping part was definitely the hardest. If you are struggling with body changes right now and the idea of shopping for new clothes or allowing yourself to have clothes that fit is daunting for you, maybe the things I did for myself will resonate with you.
Here were some of the “rules” I made for myself before shopping:
- Purchase what I need first (basics) and then I could get more fun stuff once I got used to the process (and had more money because grad school = budget!)
- Only purchase the item if I felt confident. Confident not in a prideful way but a self-assured way.
- Shift my perspective to make shopping an aspect of self care rather than a place for self criticism.
This could be fun!
(My favorite LOFT stretchy dress and jean jacket that are fierce staples in my wardrobe)
With these rules in mind, I chose to go shopping during quiet days at the mall- not a Saturday or Sunday- and chose to tackle one or two items at a time and then leave. Again, this was a slow process, as is learning to trust your body or work through intuitive eating. We are in no rush here! There’s something cool about the process. I learned a little more about myself and my body through it all and I’m still learning. Isn’t that relieving to know we never really arrive? We just keep understanding ourselves better.
When I began, I wanted a new basic wardrobe so these were the sort of things I was looking for; 1 pair black jeans, 1 pair dark skinny jeans, a new business casual pant, basic plain t-shirts, a jean jacket, a leather jacket, a blouse or two, a new dress, new athleisure leggings, some new flats that went with a lot of things…
I started with bottoms. Ugh jeans. I looked all over only to find the place that fit me best was Madewell. Prior to Madewell I felt sort of meh about everything. I also had never tried on high rise/high waisted pants before and I was mind blown at how confident I felt in them! Cue the dressing room jeans dance. You guys, my life has changed because of high rise denim. I think Madewell is a bit pricy but the thing is…the jeans last for years and if you are a student you get a 15% discount – score! I ended up having great luck at LOFT for business-y pants and they have 40% off sales so often it makes shopping feel like a total deal.
Things I learned: I like jeans to be stretchy, high rise, and dark wash. I actually learned to appreciate my waistline and the natural curves of my hips.
Blouses and shirts were next. With a lot of trial and error I learned it was uncomfortable when shirts squeezed too tightly on my upper arms (like bicep area) , when I can’t move my arms around (like in a tight blouse), and when things were too tight on my tummy area. My body naturally carries weight in my tummy (this is why high rise jeans rock) and I have always had strong shoulders and arms (thanks gymnastics!) and I had to accept that. There is zero use fighting these things. These parts of my body I hated in the past and tried to change, but after understanding that that’s just how my body rolls I could make peace with it and focus on what I could change – the clothing I wear. Clothes should fit your body, not your body fitting the clothes. That’s why there are so many different fits and silhouettes of clothes!
I did a lot of basic t-shirt testing and blouse testing. Eventually, I found ones I felt confident in and I bought them in neutral colors so I could wear them with anything. Throw on a different statement necklace or scarf to switch it up and I had a whole new outfit.
Things I learned: I need tops to be flowy around my upper arms and have enough room for my shoulders to move + not too snug on my tummy. Jackets just needed to be loose enough on my arms so I didn’t feel confined.
(Interrupting the clothes photos with a travel food pic. Let’s take a moment here. I had THE BEST fish and chips in Seattle. I went on my clothing journey at the same time as I was making more intuitive eating decisions and I remember how wonderful it was to choose this off the menu because it sounded amazing!)
The last item that took a while to find was a dress. I wanted to find a dress style that made me feel confident. I learned those were more structured dresses that didn’t come close to my belly or dresses that were tight in the chest and top and then puffed out at the hips. Once I told myself I didn’t have to wear tight dresses that hugged my tummy (I felt like a lot of my sorority sisters in college wore styles like that and therefore I had to? Dumb thought looking back. #college) it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Permission in a powerful thing yo. I ended up finding some good dresses through my stylist at stitchfix and could try those on in the comfort of my own home. No dressing room drama involved.
Things I learned: I don’t have to wear tight dresses – even if they are “in style”. I feel most confident when a style of dress is slimmest at the waist and flows out.
(My favorite J Crew dress + my Oma (grandma) a very special, strong, and loving lady – if you follow me on social media you know her from my stories with her cute Austrian accent)
Once I made it over those shopping hurdles the rest was downhill. It has been SO much more fun to dress myself! Like…THIS CAN BE FUN. What? The self confidence boost that well fitting clothing can give is something I never knew existed. Shopping was sort of an intuitive experience for me when I allowed myself to look at it that way. It allowed me to accept & honor my body versus forcing it to potentially, one day, fit into some pair of old jeans. Hoping for that and wanting to find body acceptance and intuitive eating are mutually exclusive. I realized that my body is unique to me and I am the one who should feel confident in my clothes. I don’t have to follow trends or where clothes that other people are wearing.
Allowing myself to feel that was a wonderful process. And so freeing.
I hope sharing my own process was helpful – share in the comments any of your experiences with shopping for new clothes or your journey in body acceptance!
Awesome awesome post, Connie! I am going through this right now. Just threw away smaller pants and just let go of that life/body/disorder. Great reminder that our body is not the problem – we just have to change the clothes, not our bodies. Sometimes we need bigger clothes so we can live a bigger life!
Hey Alisha! Thanks so much for taking time to read 🙂 YES Bigger clothes to live a bigger life is sure a great way to put it. I’m glad this post resonated with you- hope you find some clothes that make you feel awesome and ready to tackle life!
It was a beautiful day when I realized I looked a lot more polished and put together in clothes that fit well instead of trying to fit into previously worn smaller sizes. They actually made me look slimmer and more streamlined than clothes that were too tight. Also, it’s very freeing to pick jeans that feel good instead of trying to squeeze into a certain size. And just to prove that jean sizes are arbitrary, my jeans vary an average of FIVE different sizes.
Hey Shana! Yes yes yes! Nicely fitting clothes make all the difference- I used to hate how the weight carried on my hips felt in jeans and therefore I hated jeans- but then I just realized I had to get ones that fit! I have clothing that ranges so many sizes as well- all the more reason to just use our bodies as our guide versus those little numbers or letters on the tag 🙂
Madewell 10” high rise jeans for the win!! One of those items that also really have worked for me as my body has changed. Food is still such a struggle for me but I am so deeply grateful for this article- it made me realize how much progress I have made in the clothing department. Like you, shopping for clothes was once so fraught and I remember leaving stores so devastated by my body after spending hours in front of mirrors tearing myself apart. It has taken lots of work, but that is no longer the case and now the process of going through my closet every so often to determine which items fit and which it is time to donate has become nog only tolerable but normal. Thank you for this thoughtful article!
YES! I think those are the ones that I have as well- they really allow me to shift a little in my set point- really forgiving and flattering material 🙂 I am so thankful for your thoughtful response, Christina. Congrats on your progress- that’s huge. I know it’s hard and sometimes during the process you don’t even realize you are moving forward till you get to look back a little!
This post is an amazing resource for women at all stages of life. I’m working through eating disorder recovery currently, and I’m constantly practicing the art of body acceptance and being open to the changes. My mom has been a great reminder that all women undergo changes. I believe dressing your body well is an important act of self-care. So I love that you are owning what works best for YOU whether than what works best for your friends or others. I’m currently on the hunt for some good jeans myself. 🙂
Hey Kate! Thank you 🙂 Being open to body changes and practicing that acceptance is hard work but good work! Your mom is so right and my mom is going through some changes herself in this later stage of life- it always takes adjusting and more acceptance. I can see from her that its a life long process! I hope you find some jeans that make you do a happy jeans dance in the dressing room soon!
I also hate pants shopping. Despite so much progress in body acceptance, pant sizes are triggering, like somehow I feel like I have to be defined by a stupid number. Shopping for new pants, especially when your body has changed size and you’re not really sure of your pant size, can be really frustrating. I find it helps to take a whole range of sizes of the same pant into the dressing room so that when I’m actually trying them on there is something that fits. This is key to avoid that disheartening feeling of asking for a size up or of heading back into the racks because nothing fit. Because once you DO find that pant that fits just right it is AMAZING!!!
Hey Daniela! Yes! I love that suggestion 🙂 I do the same with any clothing piece because honestly the range of clothing sizes in my closet just proves that sizes are just a number or a few letters- the don’t define me! Tanks for taking the time to read and comment!
wow love this. I need to do a closet dump and subsequent body-confidence boost!
any advice on applying this to swimsuits? a.k.a. THE hardest thing to shop for and feel good in…
Hey Laura! Yes! I really do think it bumps up the confidence and allows more room for acceptance 🙂 Oh man- swimsuits are tough. I recently tried on like 25 (I’m not eve kidding you) at target because I didn’t feel comfortable in my black bottoms anymore and I just grabbed every possible style Target had and a few sizes in each and came out with a high waisted bottom that has a little scrunching on the sides and I felt at peace with those. I think there are so many styles these days that you can just do lots of trial and error and maybe try and style you never thought to try before and find that you are pleasantly surprised or find that you feel more comfy in certain colors vs others. Hopefully that helps!
Heck yes to the high rise Madewell denim!!! My go to when I had to buy jeans that fit.
Hey Christina! Yes yes! A nice fit seriously makes all the difference 🙂
I love this post! It’s so freeing to embrace your body and realize what clothes make you feel confident. It’s interesting what works for different people and how what makes you feel good is so variable.
I just shared a life update on my blog (which I haven’t posted on in 2 months – oops!) and I have some awesome posts scheduled for this month!
Thank you, Allison! It is SO freeing. I agree with the variability aspect- it’s been cool for me to be ok with not wearing something my friend wears because we just have physically different bodies! Yay for getting back to posting 🙂 Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!
Connie! What an amazing post, and that JCrew dress is SO cute and looks awesome on you! I love that you wrote about how it took a while but you eventually found which styles make you feel happy and confident and which styles just aren’t worth it. I feel like for me, I also discovered that I feel much more confident in a jean size one size bigger than the one I was wearing previously. It’s so dumb, I had stuck to the smaller size from my pre-intuitive eating days, but it made me feel like crap because it would pinch and lump and just wasn’t good. And then once I went up a size finally and actually got flattering jeans, I felt like a new person! And so much more confident! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Hey Nicole! YES! I totally was the same with the jeans size- just keeping them because that number meant something. As soon as I found that fitting pair the number wasn’t even something in my head anymore- just the good feeling of fitting clothing! Thanks for taking the time to read and comment 🙂 Have a great rest of your week! Also- your blog name is amazing!
Thanks so much for sharing this, Connie! This lesson took me a long time to learn as well. It’s so freeing to accept your body and wear clothes that you feel good in!
Hey Megan! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🙂 Its the best feeling- glad you know the feeling too!
Connie, all your words resonate in my head and my vital experience.
I am glad to hear about others to got through the same process.
Soimetimes we lost the global pic scrolling endlessly down in instagram with pictured perfect bodies in perfect new clothes.
Ey hello i dont have enough money to update my wardrobe every seasopn.
I own dresses 10 years old and i dont feel any shame.ñ
My priorities are different and my mortage is one of those.
Cheers
Hi Leticia!
Ugh Instagram scrolling is a surefire way to body comparison. I don’t have enough money for wardrobe updates that often either- ha! Glad this post resonated with you 🙂 Hope you have a lovely weekend!
SUCH a good post! Thank you so much! I am going through this process right now. I gained close to 50 lbs for the first 18 months post ED turn around, and now am slowly losing as my body finds its sweet spot, and I have learned to intuitively eat in a way that balances my crazy blood sugar. It really is just in the past 100 years or less that people have majorly bought clothes ready to wear. My very stylish Grandmother Always used to buy clothes and then take them to a tailor to be made to fit to Her body correctly. She always looked lovely and put together. She was not a skinny lady, she was a beautiful healthy confident woman. I love that you made the distinction between fitting clothes to our bodies, not our bodies to the clothes.
CONNIE I LOVE THIS!!!!! It makes my heart so super happy to see that you did this and you found so much freedom in buying clothes that work for YOUR body and not feeling like you have to do clothes that look good on anybody else. I really learned this the past year too, and it was incredibly freeing knowing that I didn’t have to fit a certain mold, that I didn’t always have to wear a size small in every single piece of clothing. You look so pretty and happy and free, and I really appreciate that you took the time to write about this experience!
This is a wonderful post – I went through the exact same thing. The second that the too-small clothes were gone from my closet, I felt a renewed sense of comfort and appreciation of my new bod! It’s so key in the process. Sending love!
Thank you, Connie! I love this post – a lot of really great, important reminders, no matter where you are in life. I’m in my late 30s and I’m still trying to figure out what looks good on me. 🙂 It always changes, and that’s okay. I agree about the awesomeness of Madewell jeans, and I’ve also had some success with Gap denim (which is cool b/c they’re less expensive!). One other little trick is getting clothes altered, especially with jeans/pants, which always gap in the back for me. Taking those to a tailor for a small alteration makes a HUGE difference! You don’t have to accept how items fit you right off the rack. 🙂
“Those too small jeans were from a life I lived before finding intuitive eating and intuitive movement and hanging on to them wasn’t helping we work towards body acceptance.”
“Isn’t that relieving to know we never really arrive? We just keep understanding ourselves better.”
I cannot love these quotes and this entire article enough. This is such an important subject to discuss, thank you so much for sharing your experience and tips!!
Thank you for this post! I loved reading it 🙂
On a fashion note, you and I are kindred spirits! For dresses at least! If you love that style of dress, you should check out Rouge Boutique in Half Moon Bay, CA. They’re a retro store and they have the CUTEST dresses! They have an online store too, I think it’s rougehmb.com. I’m going to go check out Madewell now!
This was beautifully written, Connie! Thank you so much for sharing your experience and what you learned from it. I have also found it so incredibly freeing to wear clothes that actually fit. I feel so much more confident and therefore happier when I wear clothes that fit and give me room to move around comfortably.
Kylie from Immaeatthat was also talking about Madewell jeans on her blog too. I’ll have to check them out 🙂
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Yes love this! My body has changed a ton over the years, but somehow I still have a lot of the same clothes. I know I should get rid of some of them, but I’m not the best at that. Also as I started grad school I realized I needed a lot more “grown up” clothes so purchasing those pieces has been fun. Love how you transitioned to looking at shopping as something enjoyable versus something you dread (I can totally relate to that shift)
This post was super helpful, Connie. It’s such a hard thing to transition too but I’m believing that there is more grace and it gets easier as we go. Thanks for posting this!!!