I sat in counseling last week and cried. That’s actually how it typically goes.
But what was different last week is that I left not thinking about me, but my future kids and Nick and I’s future home. We live in a world that tells us we’re not enough, I don’t want to create a home that breeds that same narrative.
As I rambled on about how my inability to remember or do little things, like lock the door or be on time or call that friend back that’s left two voicemails, tears welled. Because all these little things were actually building a vicious undercurrent in my life that said, “You’re not competant.”
And then my counselor, in her gentle voice said, hold on a second. She reached over to her bookshelf and pulled out a piece of paper with Brene Brown’s whole hearted parenting manifesto printed on it. And she told me to read it twice.
Then she told me to go home this week and read it through three different lenses – one thinking about me, one thinking about Nick and I’s marriage, and one thinking about our future home.
So throughout this past week, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I am, and our culture is, so damn hard on ourselves. But the thing is, we would rarely, if ever, place those same expectations on other people and secondly, whats the point is being so graceless with ourselves? It’s only destructive.
Whether it’s with our body, our money, our career, or friendships…there’s this contents expectation of perfection and very little, if any, room for error.
I don’t want to live my life always shoulding myself, instead I want to be gracious with myself so when I do mess up (because it’s going to be regularly and that’s okay) a cycle of shame and guilt doesn’t stand in the way of an opportunity for learning and growth.
I don’t want to just be okay with imperfection, but I want to embrace it. That’s what makes us all not feel so alone in this big world. It’s what cultivates our deepest relationships – when we’re relatable because we’re human. And we’re okay letting people into our real life instead of our highlight reel.
I’m not sure what exactly this all means tangibly for my life right now, but I know it does mean living with more vulnerability and humility. And what I also know is that I want the themes of my life to be compassion and grace soaked imperfection, not incompetence and guilt.
I so get how you feel. For me, it’s adopting more of a minimalist lifestyle so I can focus on the things that really matter. Not letting other people’s opinions or criticisms of me turn into personal, deeply rooted opinions or criticisms of myself. Being relieved that I am human (duh!) and seeing myself through eyes of grace. Guilt, shame, “should do’s”, regret….working on crowding those feelings out because I just simply have too much joy, appreciation, grace, compassion. 🙂
Love every single words you wrote. LOVE. Keep living that out Megan!
Can I just say that hearing you talk openly about going to counseling has really meant a lot to me as a reader? I’ve been going to counseling for almost a year, since a bad job led to some serious depression and crippling anxiety. I got better, but I still go to counseling, and it’s so important to my self-care routine. Being able to talk it out, whatever “it” is, means a lot to me. Honestly I think more people should go to counseling. Thank you for being so open and honest!
I couldn’t agree more.. sharing that with us makes you so REAL & that’s what readers love.
oh thank you Katie 🙂 and for reading, thank you!! xo
Oh I so agree! I think everyone can benefit from counseling – life is messy and we certainly don’t have it all figured out! So glad my openness has been refreshing for you! 🙂
Oh girl you speak to my heart. This is why I’ve been a consistent reader for 3 years–your words always mean so much, you are real and honest and never watered down when it’s important. Praying for you today Robyn, I’m so thankful for you and your blog! You should always feel worthy and enough <3
Thank you so much Tailar!! Prayers mean so much. It’s a rough world out there – thinking of you! xo
You have tackled so much in the past few years! Look at all you have accomplished! I love reading your blog because you are real. I pass right past the “too perfect to be real” blogs because real life is messy. Love ya, Robyn!
Oh Lisa thank you! My hope is that others can relate and we all don’t feel so alone.
XO
Oh girl, right there with you, I feel like I constantly break down in counseling because I feel like I’m ‘failing’ from a standard set by ‘who?” By the media, society, our friends, family. We always want to have people see us as enough,more then enough, and yet even at our worst, we are enough. I was so scared to bring a baby into this world because I feared for the person he’d become, with hate and doubt pushing through more then love and friendship, but just know that the world you bring a life into or the world you and your husband will create will be of love and acceptance just by worrying about these things YOU are enough, you are kind and generous and that will resonate into other parts of your life. xo
your words mean so much fiona!!! Thank you 🙂
YOU are enough and doing what you are suppose to do right now..today.
enjoy the weekend! xo
You always speak to my soul 🙂 this is why I love your blog so much & continue to “follow” you.. <3
YES. This is so important. “Perfection” is such a social construct, and it’s honestly overrated. Embracing our flaws and mistakes while trying our best is the only way to be a human.
yes yes yes!
First of all, thank you so much for sharing this. I, like sooo many others, am a perfectionist and beat myself over little things, so I truly loved this post!
Second, I have a few questions and didn’t see a contact page so I hope it’s ok that I ask them here!
1) do you recommend probiotic or digestive enzyme supplements? I’ve read that you don’t really take a lot of supplements, just curious which ones you use and recommend?
2) just saw your race results from this weekend and you are sooo fast! I’m a runner also, and if you don’t mind me asking – do you have a coach? Or what training plans do you use?
A to the men! I’m currently reading a book called Craving Grace by Ruthie Delk and it is EXACTLY about this. The book paints a picture of the process of falling into guilt and shame in a cool little diagram. As believers, we have the decision to look towards Christ to find adequacy in our inadequacies, or to give in to the negative self-talk and lies.
Annnnnyyyywayyyy I’ll stop rambling. But you should totally check it out if you’re wanting to be encouraged in this! It’s a quick read.
oh that sounds like a very good read. definitely adding it to my audible!
So proud of you for sharing this! I’ve never heard of Brene Brown’s manifesto — checking it out now!!!!
oh it’s SO good – certainly something I’ll carry into parenthood 🙂