As you guys might know, Real Life Women’s Health has a wonderful new addition, Liz, to add a therapy component to the practice and I think of how this service is going to help so many people. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and had some thoughts that came up that I wanted to share…maybe some of you can also relate.
So many wonderful things can come out of therapy that can help us live our lives in a more meaningful and intentional way. I think a lot of people are under the impression that going to therapy or nutrition counseling, for that matter, means something is broken and needs fixing. No one is broken beyond repair and I (and we) truly believe that everyone has hope for complete healing from food and body image struggles. And hope for physical healing. Although “broken” isn’t a feeling, maybe many of you resonate with the idea of broken as a feeling? The truth is, therapy and counseling don’t fix us, but rather help us re-connect and strengthen the part of our brain that we forgot about or re-wired at some point in our life. The strength and wisdom we need is already right within us.
Maybe you trained yourself out of honoring your hunger for the sake of a diet that led to another diet only to be left with feeling like you don’t know how to eat or feel hunger and that feels like your body is broken. Maybe you struggle with mindless eating and the connection between your head and your body feels broken. Maybe you gave your brain too much power with catastrophic thinking or worst care scenario thinking or black and white thinking and you now experience various situations in life that are riddled with fear because you don’t feel good enough/pretty enough/smart enough and you can’t for the life of you get your brain to think nicer thoughts to yourself…and that feels broken.
I felt broken these past few months being unable to focus on my graduate course work feeling incredibly burned out because I was too busy ruminating on everything… at the same time. I would think about my future as an RD, my friendships and relationships, what I want my social media/internet presence to be, if I am doing well enough, my volunteer work, trying to rest, and MORE. I couldn’t focus on one thing at a time and I knew that this wasn’t a fulfilling way to be living my life, spending all my time with my brain “on” even when I designated time to be “off”. Time to be resting. Why couldn’t I shut my brain off? So, I started therapy.
In just a few sessions I have been able to learn some tools on how to combat negative thoughts about myself with a more positive or rational thought. I’ve been able to distinguish between pressure I can’t avoid, like school, and pressure I put on myself, like trying to figure out what I’m going to be like as a practitioner. I am starting to see that some of the pressure I put on myself is totally unnecessary and is preventing me from enjoying the ride, from being fully present in my life. I still have 1,200 hours of my dietetic internship ahead of me before I need to even entertain the thought of what my future practice or job might look like as an RD. I still have so much to experience and learn!
Once I realized that I could table those thoughts or at least give them a less weight, I felt like I could breathe deeply again. It felt like I went from shallow, anxious breathing to relaxed, deep breathing. I feel like I can start to focus on what needs to be done now and do some loose planning for the future, but in a constructive, information gathering way vs a “this is my life track” kind of way. If we simply gathered information and looked at it objectively rather than judging every piece of information or experience..imagine how much more mental effort we could spend on things that brought us joy rather than stress. On things that actually mattered.
When we give into the “shoulds”, the “what ifs”, and the “but hows” we close off the part of our brain that allows us to be in our own process, a process that ebbs and flows and may not even be what we imagined or stressed about in our heads. Being inside your own head with some external processing in a safe space can be crazytown. For me, I was cutting off creativity or opportunity within myself in the moment because I was wishing to be in another time, place, or situation when I am currently in a different time, place, or situation…and this current place I’m in might end up turning into a different time, place, or situation. Life is uncertain like that, but embracing that can be so wonderful if we are able to embrace the uncertainty.
I think of the brain just like any other muscle in the body. It can be trained and strengthened to think in a certain way, in a more life-giving, gentler and kind way that can help us be better versions of ourselves or remind ourselves that we aren’t broken, maybe just a little unsteady and we simply need to tools to move to solid ground.
Therapy certainly isn’t a magic cure, but I finding if very helpful and I learn tools and skills to best care for myself. And I am quite enjoying the process of learning how to be kinder in the way I talk to myself. Maybe you to have felt overwhelmed by being “on” all the time or by having anxious, fearful thoughts constantly swimming in your brain or by having negative thoughts constantly there? Maybe you are curious if therapy is the right move for you? I think if we reworded it to be coaching instead of therapy or counseling that would open up the opportunity for more people to step in. Maybe my experience can help give you a little piece of mind that you aren’t broken and that asking for help doesn’t mean that you are weak. In fact, I think it means the opposite. I think it’s brave. And bravery takes strength.
Have a wonderful week!
xx
Connie
Absolutely agree that therapy does not mean you are “broken”!! I’ve been in therapy off and on for years throughout my eating disorder and recovery. It has been hard, but absolutely necessary. I also got my husband to start couples therapy when we got engaged. He was hesitant at first but came to find that it was super helpful and has said how much our communication improved. When my sister found out we were going to therapy she said, “Already?!”. She assumed we were having a ton of issues when really we were laying the foundation for a strong marriage. I love therapy and I hope it becomes more accepted as just a thing you do to take care of yourself.
Hey Hillary!
I love that idea of laying a strong foundation rather than automatically defaulting to “oh something is wrong”. Glad this post resonated with you! Have a great rest of your week 🙂
I totally agree…therapy can be an integral part of self-care, and I’m so happy you are doing that for yourself. Just through this blog alone you reach so many people and doing such important work, let alone through your studies and practice, so it is amazing that you are finding ways to take care of yourself so that you don’t burn out or stay burned out. 😉 That’s also such a great example for your clients and others you affect…being able to recognize when we need some help shifting a perspective or getting a grasp on a particular feeling or issue, and then taking the steps to get that assistance…to me that is such a healthy way to approach life. <3
Hey Randee! Thank you so much for reading and for those kid words 🙂 I don’t want to be burned out- not an awesome feeling and I’m so happy therapy is helping me through that. Self care to the rescue! Have a wonderful weekend!
Yes, YES to this! As a therapist, I can’t agree more. So many are used to thinking of therapy as only for those that are “crazy” or truly mentally ill, but it can be so much more than that and is for everyone. I think of it as the annual visits that you make to your doctor or practitioner. You don’t only see these individuals when you’re sick, but also go in for regular checkups just to make sure everything is on track. You can do the same with a therapist. Not to mention, if something DOES feel off track, then you would certainly see your medical professional for whatever ails you. The difference is our emotions and thought processes can’t be seen like a wound, so they’re easier to ignore and to not even realize that there may be a problem. So important to reach out if something doesn’t feel right, physically and mentally!
Sidenote to the coaching discussion. I completely understand this line of thought because I know the words counseling and therapy have such stigma, but I try to advocate for these correct terms because coaching is an entirely different field and often does not have the same professional guidance, standards and credibility as those who have worked to ensure ethical practice in counseling or therapy. I think the more we use the proper terms for the profession, the less it will be stigmatized. 🙂
Hey Amber!
What amazing and rewarding work you do! I love the way you said looking at therapy as sort of an annual check up. I really do think I’m going to keep it up for years to come even if its not as regular as it is now for that reason. I agree completely with advocating for the correct terms and I totally see your point of view. It’s almost just me working through the stigma myself and I think using the correct term will not only help me but others too. Thank you for such a thoughtful comment and for taking the time to read.
This is a great post. I think you hit on a lot of the important things that plague young adults today, with the pressure to create a brand, and start advertising, and to reach all of our career goals…but there is always, ALWAYS a process involved. By focusing too much on the future, or the means of getting to where we eventually would want to be, we are missing out so much on the gift of the present moment.
Always a process involved!! We will miss out on the present if we are always looking ahead – so true Alexandra 🙂
Can I get an amen?! I’m realizing that I’ve lost a lot of the present for what I hope the future to be and I’m thankful therapy is helping me realize all of those areas in my life! Thank for you for taking the time to read Alexandra 🙂
I AM SOOO on board with having someone, such as a therapist or a counselor, to talk to, to bounce those thoughts off of and get their wisdom and advice. It’s so good to have a listening ear, to have someone reminding you of the truth; and I 100% agree that talking about those things with them really helps slow that panic, slow us down, make us think; I’m so thankful that God has put different people like that in my life. There is totally no shame in having a therapist; I think everybody needs one at one point! It’s just so important because we can’t do it all by ourselves.
Hey Emily!
YES! Just having that person to hear me out with no judgement is such a wonderful feeling- like a breath of fresh air!! We definitely can’t do it all by ourselves. Thanks for reading and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
This resonates so much with me these days, Connie—thank you!
I am SO glad it resonated with you! Thank you for reading Gabriella! Have a wonderful weekend 🙂
Connie, I love YOU and I love this article so much. I resonate with everything you talked about — from feeling burnt out to learning to talk to yourself in a kinder way to asking for help. Thank you thank you thank you for these words of wisdom. You are such a GEM.
Thank you sweet Hannah! YOU are a gem and I hope you have a restful weekend 🙂 XOXO