1. Weekend with Nick’s Mom
Saturday we went strawberry picking in the morning, ate epic fish tacos for lunch and spent the afternoon at Cape Ann before grabbing ice cream for an afternoon snack and heading back into the city. It felt very summer and was just a really good day.
2. Feeling your feelings more intensely when you let go of coping mechanisms
There are many things in life where the saying, “it’s gets worse before it gets better” applies. And in recovery from disordered eating or an eating disorder, I think there is some application to this too. Controlling food, feeling dependent on exercise and micromanaging your body are coping mechanisms. There are a lot of other coping mechanisms we use in life that might be helpful in the short term, but they aren’t also healthy in the long term. In the moment, controlling the calories, macronutrients or ingredients in your food eases anxiety and numbs you out from other feelings. It protects you in that moment.
Blaming our bodies for struggles we face in life is another way we cope and numb out from hard feelings. Maybe you’re going through a life transition where things feel unstable and you’re feeling insecure. In order to cope, you might blame how you’re feeling on your physical body. When really, how you’re feeling has nothing to do with your physical body. Exercising is a way we avoid anxiety or temporarily escape from stress – although exercise can be a healthy behavior and way we can care for ourselves, exercising out of fear (for example: I’ll gain weight, my body will change, or I can’t eat ____ if I don’t exercise) helps us to avoid feelings, but doesn’t help us work through stress, anxiety and other painful feelings.
When you start letting go of these coping mechanisms that helped you get through tough times, but aren’t necessarily serving you and allowing you to be your healthiest self, you often will experience feelings more intensely. You are no longer as numbed out. So the feelings that were there all along bubble up and can feel really intense, distressing and uncomfortable. Therefore, it might feel like letting go of unhealthy behaviors made things worse instead of better. Hang in there and give yourself time to learn new healthier coping mechanisms that truly do serve you and allow you to not only feel your feelings, but allow you to be your healthiest self.
3. Snack Plates
Lunch is usually kind of mehhhh for me. I’m in the middle of the workday and that alone makes lunch feel like one more thing I have to think about. If someone just showed up and put a plate of food in front of me that would be awesome and I’d probably love lunch. But thinking about what to eat for the week and preparing it just feels like one more thing to do. Maybe I’m crazy…anyone else out there? My solution lately…snack plates. I don’t have to do any cooking and I just throw everything on a plate. While I love the idea of a lunch break, sometimes it just doesn’t happen. If I’m working at my NP job, I might be eating in between patients or while I’m driving in between inpatient and residential treatment centers. Sometimes I’m in a groove and I don’t want to stop to sit down and eat. So having a bunch of things on a plate that I can eat as I go has been working lately. Maybe this won’t work forever, but for right now I’m into it. There’s several textures, flavors and colors so I don’t get bored. I I usually have cheese, cottage cheese, hummus, deli meat or chicken, veggies, fruit, and crackers on hand and I just eat what sounds good. I ate a cookie after this snack plate above since I was still a bit hungry.
4. Social Media, Email and My Mental Health
A few months ago I stopped doing weekend recap posts and decided to step back in terms of frequency from social media. So for the most part, I stopped getting on social media on the weekends – or I guess stopped holding the expectation that I needed to be creating content and engaging on social media on the weekend – and stopped getting on social media at night. It felt like work never really had a start and end date and my professional life was bleeding into my personal life and after six years of being online, I was craving separation. That’s been really, really freeing and healthy for me. I feel so much more energized, refreshed and excited about work and what I get to do everyday. It sounds silly and small but for me, not taking photos to recap the weekend or engaging on social media over the weekend has allowed me to really unplug and separate from work on Saturdays and Sundays. Come Monday, I’m ready for the week instead of feeling like the week rolled into the weekend. That’s just what is working for me – thank you all for sticking with me even with less frequent interaction on social media. 🙂
I had a reader email me and ask about tips for being productive while working from home. Maybe I’ll expand on this in a post if there is interest, but let me say, I am not the best at this and I’ve had to learn to put in place some firm boundaries so I’m actually productive. As I type this I’m kind of lol’ing because there are people that are wayyyyy more skilled at this than me. But, email boundaries for me are huge – not only for productivity, but for my mental health as well. I find for me, answering email for 20 minutes in the AM, afternoon, and PM works best. I give myself 20 minutes and then move on with other things. If it’s not urgent, I file it away in a folder in Gmail and return to it later (for example: I answer a lot of reader emails on Fridays so if you email me, expect an email most likely on a Friday :)). If I can answer it in less than 2 minutes, I answer right then and there. I don’t answer email past 7pm M-F or on the weekends to separate work from life unless it’s something really unusual – like an important update on a client a physician was sending me last Saturday. Once those 20 minutes are up, I close out of my email tabs and move on with my to do list. That’s working for me, but if you have tips I would love to hear them!!
5. Body Image Therapist Image
If you don’t follow @bodyimage_therpist on Instagram, I highly recommend! She posted this image last week and I saved it. She shared Brene Brown’s quote from Daring Greatly, “True belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world. Our sense of true belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
That’s a good dose of truth.
Have a great week!
I wish people would talk more about anxiety and depression typically increase as you go through recovery. I thought that once I started eating enough everything would start getting better but instead, my anxiety skyrocketed and my OCD came out full force. Don’t get me wrong, recovery has been completely worth it, but it was frustrating and scary. I’m working on learning new ways to cope that life-affirming instead of life-depleting. Having these strong emotions that have been numbed for so long can be overwhelming, but I think they are just another sign from our bodies that we need to focus on kindness and rest.
I struggle with OCD, too, Hillary. It loved restriction and flared up into a hot mess when I got out of disordered eating behaviors. Mental health issues are no joke, and I agree–we should be talking about them more! I try to be as open as I can with people so that others know they are not alone. Wishing you the best!
100% agree on having more conversation!! Thank you for being open Ann – I know your comment is going to mean so much to readers and those also struggling <3
Hillary thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story with such courage and vulnerability – I have clients currently that can relate to you very very much. Recovery is challenging and I admire your heart and soul and what you’re doing so much <3
I hear this so loud. It was so intense for me also. It wasn’t until I stopped ‘using’ that I realized how much I depended on diets and punitive exercise as a way of coping with my mental health challenges. First was a deep depression, and on coming out of that was a 3 month period of intense anxiety. Therapy really helped and continues to help, but I notice that when things are especially hard, I “‘miss” the false clarity, purpose and focus that I felt when I was hardcore controlling my body.
It is still 100% worth it, because the shifts in my worldview and inner life have made me a deeper and more compassionate person. I find that I’m so much less jusgemental and more curious and creative. Since my hope for the future isn’t wrapped up in obtaining a ‘correct’ body or perfect ‘pure’ diet, my imagination is freer –and that includes increased emotional elasticity, supporting good mental health in the long run.
I just give huge massive kudos to all you amazing women who’ve had the courage to face the lies and believe in a better life for yourself and other people!!
Hi Robyn,
Love reading your blog! Would you mind sharing more about what you do in your new NP job?
I’d love to hear more about your new job as well!
I’ll include more in this Monday’s 5 thoughts post!!
Sure thing Maria! I’ll write more in this Monday’s post!
I’m loving the idea of the snack plates! So many mix and match ideas 😉
I love all the variety too – you can’t get bored 🙂
This is awesome ! I really like the part about how we have to learn what we covering up by controlling food/overexercising etc. I am currently go through that process, it was difficult in the beginning but I am starting to come out the other side !
It’s such hard, yet worthwhile work. Thinking of you Liz!
Ashlee sounds wonderful; just followed her! I love what you said about the social media boundaries. Definitely would love to see a productivity at home post; trust me, the fact that you have several successful businesses shows you’re MUCH better at it than you may think 🙂
I’m SO with ya on the “snack plates” for lunch! Lunch is kind of meh for me too, so the diversity of the plate makes it more satisfying for me.
I love how you separate out your time on social media and your email. That has helped me to put away my phone for about 2 days on Saturday and Sunday except for the necessary things.
Also thank you so much for reminding me that coping mechanisms often just numb the feelings instead of helping us deal with them. I have a really good friend that I’m in a relationship with, and he has been really encouraging me not to cope with my uncomfortable feelings by coping but actually facing the fears. It has been so good even in the past week, and I think calorie counting in my head hopefully by God’s grace will be the last thing to go, but I am so hopeful that it will go in the end and intuitive eating won’t be as uncomfortable for me.
I love snack plates! They’re my go to on weekends for lunch and now sometimes for dinner as it’s just been too hot for me to care about cooking or eating really. So fun to get different flavors/textures!