I’ve had so many thoughts lately. I’m usually asleep in about 5 minutes once my head hits the pillow, but lately it’s been hard to shut my mind off and 5 minutes has turned into 20 or 30 minutes some nights. Why so many thoughts?! I remember when I lived in New York and I struggled to fall asleep for HOURS though, so I’ll take 30 minutes of tossing and turning. Could be worse.
This post is more…thoughts! I’m currently sipping decaf cold brew because I love coffee, but my body does not prefer coffee at 3pm. Because then my 30 minutes of tossing would be 3 hours. But don’t for a second think I’ve gone caffeine free….I drink hot coffee (no matter how hot it is outside) in the morning with creamer.
Let’s sit down and talk!
Back to the creamer…
I had to nix dairy 6 months ago because Cal had a dairy protein allergy and I’m (thankfully) breastfeeding…which means dairy in my diet passes through my milk. I’ve mentioned it a few times on IG because 1) I love dairy 2) I think most dairy substitutes are gross 3) I’m learning there is some pretty legit substitutes out there after a lot of searching and taste testing and 4) I do think intuitive eating and a medically indicated food restriction can go hand in hand.
Back to point 2 and 3. The fact of the matter is, there is no substitute for cheese and yogurt. None. Nada. We eat pepperoni pizza and drink IPAs almost every Friday night and although I buy non dairy cheese, it’s not the same. I haven’t come across one that tastes even 10% similar. It’s fine and there’s a shiz ton of pepperoni on my pizza to drown out the taste a bit, but it is NOT the same as regular cheese. Ice cream, milk, butter and half and half….not so bad. Coconut milk and cashew milk ice cream are pretty bomb. I’ve used almond milk forever because I prefer that in smoothies and oatmeal so not using cow’s milk wasn’t that big of a switch. Melt spread suffices for butter (although I just started using ghee and that went okay!) and coconut oil is tasty in baking. But, I thought for the first month of going dairy free, half and half was going to be irreplaceable. I could not find any non dairy creamer that tasted good. The ones I tried, I actually questioned WHO on earth was buying and drinking this stuff?!
And then you beautiful people DM’d me on IG and told me about Nut Pods and Califia Farms and my coffee game was back! I prefer Nut Pods, but this 32 oz container of Califia is the same price as 16 oz of Nut Pods and we got a grocery budget to adhere to over here.
Ok, enough about dairy free creamer now that I’ve written almost 300 words on it…
On work & baby
My plans for work post-baby are about 30% true according to this post. Lol. I’m so thankful there is lots of flexibility and options with my work…part time, full time, per diem, stay at home mom life, etc. Hi, privilege. Gratitude for that.
If I was sitting on 5-6 years or more of NP experience I’d probably step away from clinical work and do private practice + speaking + teaching in the margins of life and stay home and raise babies for the next 6+ years until they went off to school and then I’d go back to nursing. I’m grateful that I desire to be home full time. At first wanting sahm life felt shameful or “less than” because I desired that over career. I love nursing, but I love being a mama more.
But the reality is, I have two nursing degrees that were $$$ and I’m not sitting on 5-6 years of NP experience. I have 2.5 years and that means I’m still so new to the field. So I’m in this weird place with career + motherhood. I enjoy working clinically when I’m there. Like many other moms I’m sure, I want to live in an unrealistic place of having a successful, thriving career and also being home full time with my baby. That isn’t my reality. I share all this because I get emails and messages saying, “I don’t know how you do it all!” and the thing is, I don’t. At all. The business has slowed significantly – it’s at about 30% of what it was last year which is good and fitting, just different. I’m still figuring out what amount of NP clinical work is sustainable and in line with my values, hopes and desires as a mom. So really, I’m very much not doing it all and instead very much still figuring it out. I’ll get back to you in 2024 when I’ve figured out this whole career + momming thing a bit more.
Over the weekend I traveled to Napa for a girl’s trip with a bunch of my college friends. It was absolutely beautiful. We lucked out with sunny, 70 degree weather and spent the days sipping wine at gorgeous vineyards, eating really good food and laying by the pool. It was my first time away from Cal and while it was good for me to get away and detach a bit, I couldn’t wait to get home. I love traveling and am thankful to be able to do so, but there is something special about the everyday mundaneness of life. I love our unexciting, every day life. Mornings drinking coffee, afternoons walking around Boston, cooking boring things like oatmeal and spaghetti and eating dinner as a family. These types of daily rhythms are so much deeper than we assume they appear on the surface.
As I’ve gotten older (I turned 30 recently and all of a sudden I feel like WHERE DID LIFE GO?! I’m not old, but at times I am irrational) I’m learning more and more the fragility and uncertainty of life. And as I do, I’m learning how significant the seemingly insignificant moments of life really are. And all those seemingly insignificant moments where I can be grateful and present are what weave together to create a content, joyful life no matter what the circumstances.
Okkkk. That got deep and poetic quickly. It’s Tuesday afternoon and raining out and naturally it’s making me moody. What I’m trying to say is I love everyday life more than travel itself. And I’m really happy right now living a mundane life that’s quieter and less exciting than it has been in the past.
Reading on Tap
In order to read more I’ve had to realize not every single house chore or errand needs to be done right now. Because I realized when I had that mindset, any time I wasn’t working during my spare time, I was doing chores. And I kept thinking, “I have no time to read and learn!” But really I do, the laundry will just have to wait.
I started The Life Giving Home a while ago, but then stopped because I really wanted to finish a few other books first. So now I’m back. This is my evening/bedtime read. I enjoy Sally Clarkson. Not everything in this book resonates with me, but there is a lot that does that I’m hoping to incorporate into our lives & home.
I recently received Period Power in my mailbox after having it sent to me. I have no idea who the author is or what exactly this book is about, so I have zero opinion right now. I flipped to the back when I received it in the mail and there is a pretty long reference section with lots of research articles so that’s always good – I’m excited to have those to sift through too. I’ll report back as I get started. If you’ve read it let me know in the comments!
Okay that’s a wrap on this month’s thoughts. I have a lot more, but they’re more of a jumbled mess right now rather than cohesive ideas. Thanks for listening – you are the best.
Share your thoughts below. I wanna hear!