Four years ago I was 2-3 pant sizes smaller and also way less content. Gaining weight and letting my body find it’s set point was the best thing that ever happened to me. Better than marrying Nick, because if that didn’t happen I wouldn’t be the wife I am today and I might not be married to him. Summer is near, and as we all resurface from hibernation and break out the breezy shorts + dresses (yay!) the chatter on body image and “toning up” (whatever the flip that means) gets louder.
One thing about set point theory that is overlooked or not spoken about clearly I think, is that your “set point” isn’t one certain number. Or even one number give or take a few pounds. No. Researchers estimate that the average person has a set point range of ten to twenty pounds. Ten to twenty pounds.
That means, at any given time and in any given season (think your early twenties vs postpartum vs menopausal vs an emotionally difficult time etc etc) there is a ten to twenty pound range in which your body will comfortably sit and not resist attempts to change. I think that’s pretty awesome how the body can fluctuate and adapt to different periods in your life. Because our bodies are not static. That are really dynamic and a degree of weight fluctuation is normal….and suppose to happen.
Our lives aren’t always the exact same, so why do we expect our weight to be the exact same all the time either? Our bodies need to change as life changes sometimes and that is okay. When people talk about eating healthy and maintaining a healthy weight I have to ask…what does that even mean?
What I know it doesn’t mean is everyone eating all the organic green raw non toxic things and fitting into the same crop top. I talked about what I thought healthy meant here, so what does ‘healthy weight’ even mean?
When your weight dips below your body’s own natural set point your body is smart and it will attempt to adjust both your appetite and your metabolism in and effort to return your body to it’s set point. Metabolism slows to conserve energy (because you’re actually not meeting your daily energy demands) and in turn your body will sense it’s starving, therefore it will try to be as efficient as possible with the inadequate amount of calories it’s receiving. (Side note: this inadequate calorie intake is a big reason for amenorrhea, we don’t need periods to live so it’s an easy system the body can shut down to conserve energy.)
Are you sleepy? Are you cold all the time? Are you irritable? Is your sex drive in the toilet? Clients get a little caught off guard when I ask them about their sex drive. But when your body is underweight, it’s likely estrogen is low too (in addition to your ovaries, fat cells play a large role in estrogen production) and when estrogen is low that means your libido is low because estrogen effects your sex drive. Sleepy, cold, irritable, crappy libido…all not fun.
So how do you know if you’re at your body’s set point? I don’t believe there are blanket recommendations everyone should follow to get to your set point. The one way you will eventually find your set point is by turning inward, with intuitive eating, versus outward with comparison and objective measures to determine how much and what you should eat. Intuitive eating is not a quick fix and it’s not black and white…it’s really grey and murky and maybe uncomfortable in the beginning. But you will find your set point. And freedom and a life beyond your pant size. Here’s lots of other women who could say the same.
While there’s not a cut and dry answer to “what is my set point,” there are some things that will let you know you aren’t at your set point.
If you go on vacation and easily “gain weight” or you gain weight by “looking at a cupcake” you might be a) under eating on a regular basis so any deviation causes weight gain b) underweight and not at your set point c) perhaps you could be overriding hunger/satiation cues and it might be helpful to explore those behaviors
If you have to restrict your food intake, only eat particular foods (ex: high protein, low carb) or stick to a particular eating regime to maintain a number on the scale you’re not at your body’s natural set point. That can go both ways though- under eating could leave you above your natural set point just like under eating could leave you under your natural set point. Eating enough not only helps balance out hormonal chaos and decrease cortisol, but it gets your metabolism out of that sluggish state it could be in when it’s trying to conserve energy from under nourishment.
Can I say a harsh PSA: please throw away your scale. your weight does not take away value or give you value.
The body is pretty resilient if it isn’t starved, isn’t sleep deprived, and isn’t stressed to the max and spewing cortisol. You need cake to balance out the kale just as much as you need kale to balance out the cake. They both are nourishing in their own way.
We live in a world absolutely obsessed with eating clean and having toned thighs. But what about if we were obsessed with pursuing our passions and dreams and loving people and helping the needy and just enjoying this one life and this one body. And there is health at every single size. Don’t let the internet or social media tell you differently.
Also, here are some other posts similar to this topic if you want to read more <3
![Rebound Weight Gain After Calorie Restriction [Q&A]](https://www.thereallife-rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/IMG_0123-150x150.jpg)
“You need cake to balance out the kale just as much as you need kale to balance out the cake. They both are nourishing in their own way.”
<3 <3 such a good post, thank you for all of this.
🙂
This was beautifully written. i’ve definitely been on both ends of my set point and could ‘t agree more with how your body will for sure LET YOU KNOW! The cravings, lethargy, emotions all add up to tell you that you arent at your happy spot!
it SURE WILL
Love everything about this post! Especially those last few paragraphs – such powerful words. Thank you Robyn!
xoxo
Thank you for saying that set point can range from ten-twenty pounds. I’ve never heard that before… I always thought once you find your set point you fluctuate only a few pounds, so this was refreshing to hear, especially because I am about 20 pounds “over” what I have always considered to be my happy, free weight. This year has brought on a lot of emotional challenges so I have been forced to see that as my life changes, my body will too. I can’t control it and I don’t need to try!!
nope, you’re body is the master at managing it’s weight. that frees you up not to 🙂
So, so true! I love your viewpoint and have learned so much through reading your blog! I was wayyy underweight (lost my period for about 2 years or so) for years and then through God’s grace. your blog and others like it, and my mama telling me some nice, hard truth I gained the weight back, got married and had my first son 8 months ago! And I agree about the 10-20 pounds thing. SO TRUE.
what an awesome store bethany!!!
Thank you for writing this, it’s really help me think through my approach to being at a natural healthy weight. Over my past years in college I’ve realized (because I hadn’t thrown out my scale) that my weight always tends to come back to the same plus/minus 10lb range, regardless of how “unclean” my diet was. I’m getting on the right mental track, shifting away from the diet & body image word is gonna take a while though.
mine stays the same too no matter what…give yourself lots of grace in this journey. you never really arrive…its an ebb and flow <3
I started the book intuitive eating and I find your blog posts sooo helpful – especially this one!
Also, you look beautiful in that photo!!
that book is lie changing!! thanks annaliese 🙂
Love his post as much as I love your others! Thank you for being real and encouraging!
<3
So spot on, as always, Robyn! I just posted earlier today about body image too, so I loved reading your perspective about gaining weight and being comfortable in your own body. XO
thank you for sharing a positive message too edie!
So grateful for this post! I’m learning so much. Also, when you mentioned needing chocolate on IG I was so relieved. 😉 Me too, girl!
you’re in good company 🙂
I don’t have to say how much I love this post 🙂 I was wondering if you could write a post or answer a couple of my questions about your journey with movement? I know you’ve run marathons and were running/strength training a lot at the beginning of the this blog. While your relationship to movement could be exactly the same during those times of running long distance as it is now without marathon training, I was curious if it has evolved at all over the years? Thanks for your words, as always.
I’d love to write about this! Look out for that soon 🙂
Robyn,
Once again, as I read your post, I am truly encouraged to make the changes I need to in my life to reach the place I know that I need to be in order to be a correctly functioning woman, in all the areas you discussed in this post. Thank you for your words and your heart behind these words is precious!
Hi Laura – I am SO SO SO glad this messy words are resonating with you. thinking of you!
I love everything about this post!! THANK YOU for it! I’ve totally been there – that extreme, irritable, cold, hungry, grump of a human being because I was trying to fit a certain number on the scale. It’s miserable. I’m definitely much more comfortable at a higher weight and my body thanks me for it!! Thee are so many of us struggling with this issue, and I love your post !
you are so not alone! thanks for sharing kasey!
Thank you. I needed to hear this. Always hard to surrender fully and not have anything to hold on to. Your post is very encouraging. Thank you!!
so glad you were encouraged alisha!
As always, thank you for your rationality about food and bodies in this crazy world. I always appreciate your perspective!
thank YOU for reading erin!
I’ve been reading books lately such as Body Kindness and Health at Every Size. The set point theory is so interesting to me. I think I am at mine because back in college and the year after college I was about 15-20 pounds heavier than I am now but I didn’t exercise and I ate really poorly. Then I decided to start running and return to school to become an RD. I ended up losing almost 40 pounds but to maintain my lowest weight, I had to exercise a LOT and count every calorie, which wasn’t fun or sustainable. Now I still exercise regularly and eat better than I did before when I was heavier but I have landed at a mid-point in terms of weight between my highest and my lowest and I do not count calories or really watch what I eat at all.
thanks for sharing your story jill! so glad you’ve found a sustainable, healthy and happy weight 🙂
Hi Robyn…I have never commented before but this post hit a spot in my heart. I have been ill with AN for about 10 years and am now in my mid-20s. I so badly want to get better, but overtime I increase my calories, the scale goes up and I resort back to restricting. I feel my body will never heal, and I can’t convince myself to push through this and just gain the weight. You talk a lot about gaining weight and eating more helped your mood and life – and this post clearly shows that. Can you offer some advice on what pushed you to keep persevering through eating more and gaining weight, even when you had thought of fear because the scale went up, clothes got tighter, etc.? How does one deal with this scary time and push through recovery? I have tried reminding myself of things important to me in my life, but this only works for some time…
hey there MK – remember that when your body is underweight it will hold onto ANYTHING no matter what you eat so weight gain IS GOING to happen no matter what. that doesn’t mean you won’t heal. you WILL. in a sentence this is what has to happen first. you have to surrender controlling the size of your body. If you try to control your body’s size, you cannot simultaneously try to eat freely. I would really encourage you to reach out and work one on one with an RD/therapist team you trust. lots of love to you <3
love this post. these are my words to live by! And agreed about social media. It’s absolutely horrible what I see and even scarier to think that there are people who follow those accounts and wish to be like them.
I know it’s heartbreaking…now for us to change the scene 🙂
Robyn, I’m so thankful for all of your posts. FINALLY someone who isn’t encouraging me & other women/girls/whoever to eat low-carb or follow some other “diet”. Finally someone who says its okay – its healthy – to follow the craving of a sweet tooth, to eat that cake, etc. Finally, someone who truly helps me understand what “listen to your body” means.
Love love love it! Keep it coming 🙂
Hi Robyn,
I found you from The Healthy Maven podcast and it was great! I love this post as well, my only question is that I’ve always been on the other side of the spectrum. Dealing with people that made sure I was uncomfortable with my weight because I’m short, but not stick skinny. I feel better when I exercise consistently, but don’t restrict certain foods and I’m a few sizes smaller, is that my set point? I’m trying to get to a healthy place again with loving and accepting my body no matter if I weigh 120lbs or 160lbs. I just feel like this post is more focused on being underweight versus over.
Hi felicia – thanks for coming over, welcome! I have no idea if that is your set point at all since I don’t know you – I wrote a post a while back on intuitive eating when you’re trying to find your set point which I hope will be helpful!
I know this post is from earlier this year, but I am just now reading it. I really enjoy your posts, but a lot of the information is geared toward those recovering from anorexia/ amenorrhea, etc. And that is great! My sister references you often as she is recovering from orthorexia (sp?). I, am on the other end of the spectrum, however. I have been obese all my life. Recently I lost a weight (194 down to 151 lbs) by “eating when hungry, stopping when full”, but the whole time I still obsessed over food. I am a binge eater by nature and binged often, and still do. I have managed to keep the weight off most of the time, but still struggle with obsessing over food. Where some people don’t want to eat, I want to eat constantly. Anyway, I was wondering if you had any posts or references on finding your set point as an overweight person, and also intuitive eating for those who frequently binge eat?
Hi Jessica! I totally hear you. And want to celebrate how far you’ve come – that’s awesome! This post might be helpful from April https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/04/happy-weight/
I’ll also add this topic to my list to expand upon. Thank you!!
That was really helpful! Thank you!
Hey Robyn! Thanks for that awesome post. I have had anorexia for a good 2 years, and for a couple months I have been at a completely normal weight. I typically maintain my weight eating 2000 calories. This week I have been trying intuitive eating, thinking it would make me less crazy. Yesterday I decided to see how much I was eating while listening to my body and I was only eating around 1400 calories! Should I continue with this intuitive eating even though I’m “under” my calorie goal, or it it too soon? Thanks!
Often early on – especially in recovery, it could be too premature to introduce intuitive eating. I would encourage you to not do intuitve eating yet…perhaps a trusted RD could be helpful. Let me know where you live and if I know some, I’m happy to give recs if you’d like.
Hi!
I know this post is old, but I’m hoping you can give me more info on set point. What are your thoughts on pregnancy and set point?
I weighed the same amount for 4-5 years without restricting. I got pregnant, had my baby, and my weight has pretty much stayed about 5-7 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight. A couple of times it has been my pre-pregnancy weight, but it is never long term. It makes me feel like maybe my set point has changed??
My main worry with this is that I breastfed my baby for 15 months with no period. Now 4 months of no breastfeeding I still have not regained a cycle. Is it possible it is from me trying to reach that pre-pregnancy weight even though it is less than a 10 lb difference?
Hi Bre – remember your set point is a RANGE of about 10-20 lbs so it makes sense that you could have a weight anywhere in that up to 20 lb range and that is your set point. So you could very well be AT your set point. It makes sense that after you bring human life out of your body your body would change. I think coming to a place of body neutrality and working towards intuitive eating would be helpful things to pursue 🙂
Thank you. Yes that is what I am trying to do and I really appreciate your blog. Just wondering, is it possible for my previous weight to be below my set point range now and that’s why my body fights to stay above it?
PS- im an RD as well. I really love learning about intuitive eating and want to practice it more.