Developing positive body image doesn’t mean you go from hating to loving your body. And cultivating positive body image doesn’t mean you have to love your body. In fact, I think that’s quite unrealistic for the majority of people. I don’t love my body. Maybe you don’t either. But I do appreciate my body and care for my body just as it is today without any intentions of changing it’s appearance. To me, that is positive body image.
Positive body image can mean a lot of things once you start sifting through the media messages. The diet industry uses it as a marketing tool as they lead you to believe that they want you to love your body. This is manipulation. They are preying on your vulnerabilities by leading you to believe that your body is the problem and if you could fix your body, you would love your body.
Changing your body isn’t going to heal your body image. Believing that when all the media messaging (or messaging from your friend or your mom or your spouse) tells you that it will is really, really hard. Negative body image thoughts are an external representation of an internal struggle. There are actual feelings underneath causing those thoughts to bubble up. Fixing your body doesn’t truly help you better emotionally cope with your negative body image because your body isn’t the problem.
The road to positive body image usually goes like this: you stop hating your body and instead tolerate it –> you move from tolerating your body to actually accepting and respecting your body –> you might, but you certainly don’t have to, love your body or parts of your body. The journey towards healthier body image isn’t about changing your body, but rather experiencing your body in a less painful way.
And in this journey, behaviors typically change before thoughts change. And thoughts shift and change before your emotions towards your body change. Behaviors are those actionable steps that likely feel most realistic to change. Once behaviors shift, those thoughts begin to loosen up and it becomes easier to shift thoughts. And lastly, with a lot of hard and often emotionally charged work…your emotions will shift too. If this journey seems really long and really hard, you’re in the right place. Body image work is HARD.
So what are some behaviors you can begin to shift? Here are some that might resonate with you.
Stop body checking. If you need to cover up your mirrors do it. Stop standing in front of the mirror when you get in and out of the shower. Stand in the back of the workout class so you can’t see yourself in the mirror. Whatever you need to do to stop body checking, do it. Never seeing your body isn’t the end goal, but while you’re feeling highly vulnerable in this journey, avoiding mirrors might be really helpful for you. A realistic end goal might be to see your body in the mirror and the majority of the time have neutral thoughts or no thoughts at all towards your body. But in the beginning, it can be really helpful to avoid mirrors. If you find yourself staring into a mirror or window, that’s okay – when you become aware of this behavior, shift your gaze elsewhere.
Fill your closet with clothing for your body just as it is right now. Maybe that means you donate all the clothes in your closet that don’t fit and/or don’t feel good on your body. If you’re not quite ready to donate them, perhaps you store them away where you can’t see or access them. Buying clothes is a financial investment that isn’t feasible for everyone. Can you purchase clothes at a thrift shop? Borrow some clothes from a friend? At the very least, wearing any type of clothing that actually fits can do wonders for your body image.
Social media: if you scroll past something and it doesn’t help you live a better life…unfollow. Scrolling through social media can be a knee-jerk reaction where we don’t even realize what we’re doing until we’re knee deep into scrolling and feeling bad about ourselves. A client of mine recently inactivated all her social media accounts, and while she has had to sit with boredom and figuring out how to fill her time instead of scrolling…a clean break was just what she needed.
Exercise. If you’re choosing exercise with the hope (either subconciously or conscious) of your body changing, cultivating healthy body image will be nearly, if not almost, impossible. I found developing a healthy relationship with exercise to be much more difficult than intuitive eating. It was HARD. Perhaps you need to stop doing any forms of exercise that have the potential to change your body for a period of time. Stretch, do some casual walking, roll out on your foam roller, do some gentle yoga if that feels good…but perhaps you need to take a break completely from all other kinds of movement. You can’t exercise with the intention to change your body in a mindful way. Can you have exercise related goals and still be mindful around exercise? Here’s more on that.
Create a list of people you admire and respect and think about why you feel the way you do about them. What qualities do you admire about them? Why do you enjoy being around them? I’m pretty confident it has nothing to do with their body size/shape.
Note in a mindful way when you notice yourself comparing your body to others and gently redirect your gaze and/or your thoughts. Can you go engage in a conversation with someone? Do you need to remove yourself from your current environment for a breather? Shifting a judgmental thought to an observation can often be helpful too. For example: Instead of thinking, “Her legs are skinnier and more toned than mine.” you could shift that to, “She has long and narrow legs.” Try some of these things on and see if they are helpful for you.
Start every single morning with three gratitudes. Starting your day in a place of abundance instead of lack can make a profound difference in how you think and feel throughout your day. Focusing your thoughts, time and energy on changing your body isn’t going to allow you to live a happier life.
Positive body image isn’t loving your body, it’s thinking of your body less because you’re directing your thoughts, time and energy towards creating a vibrant, fulfilling life that aligns with your values. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments! What are some behavior changes that have been helpful for you? Or what current behaviors would you like to change?
Love this! Thank you for all of these helpful tips! Things I need/want to work on, stop comparing myself to others, stop thinking so much about/obsessing over my meals, being more grateful for my body and what it allows me to do every single day!
Love all of those things! Start with one this week and then add on another in a week or two as it feels feasible. Rooting for you Sara!
I really love this. It’s about simple steps and really checking in with the way I’m thinking about my body, and one of the biggest things that helps me is going into the right atmosphere or taking a step back to pray and think before stepping back in; I love your practical tips of wearing clothes that are right for my body right now. For so long I wanted to fit back into some clothes from before my teen years, and the time that I got rid of those was incredibly freeing.
I really like too how you encourage us to gently redirect our gaze to the right place instead of being rough on ourselves about it. It seems like every day is a daily step towards more positive body image, appreciating the body for what it is right now, and the less we want to change it the more freeing and wonderful life is!
every day is a small step in this lifelong journey for sure! some quiet time and prayer can certainly ground me too Emily so I’m glad that’s helpful for you too!
I recently got rid of my pre baby clothes. It felt really good, even though it was hard. I also have been trying to walk away from diet conversations or “body bashing” conversations. I’m currently working towards joyful movement. I totally agree that the exercise is almost more challenging than the eating. I find myself wanting to run and do intense work outs again but when I dig deep and ask myself why i want to do these workouts it’s mostly always comingup for me that it is because I think it will make me a different size. So I just stick with my walking and my yoga 🙂
All of those things are worth investing your energy into so you can continue your journey towards healthy body image. Thinking of you Liz!
Incredibly helpful and powerful post. The topic of body image, when written about, us usually always about “self love”, but I really enjoyed this realistic perspective on a real-life problem.
So glad it resonated with you Ainslee! Miss you!! xx
I think that stopping exercise may be the right choice in some very limited circumstances, but in my opinion, there is no better way to stop focusing on how your body looks than to subject it to something that requires hard work, challenge, and risk. For example, climbing a 14er, completing a triathlon, or doing a three-day backpacking trip don’t leave you any time or energy to worry about how your body looks. Instead, they let women into what has historically been a men’s realm – what can your body DO? I don’t feel that shying away from these challenges will help women feel stronger, but making exercise out to be something harmful that you need to protect yourself from may well make you weaker.
Hi Liz,
I think everyone has a different relationship with exercise and what works for one person could be very harmful for another – everyone has to do what works best for them physically, emotionally and mentally!
Thank you!
I’m in a strange place in my intuitive eating journey, but I guess you could say that for most of the time. I’ve always struggled with exercise. It always felt like something I had to do and I had to do things I didn’t enjoy if I really wanted to push myself and change my body. The thought of exercising without the goal of weight loss really kind of blows my mind.
I feel my body craving movement sometimes, but the only thing I’m truly comfortable doing right now is walking or doing chores around the apartment. I’m sure I’ll move past this weird, apprehensive phase, but it’s still just strange to get myself to workout and tell myself it’s for feeling good and my for health, and not for losing weight.
In our culture it certainly is a radical way of thinking – doing exercise for ENJOYMENT!
Walking and chores are great forms of movement – let yourself be where it needs to be 🙂
All such great suggestions! I personally have felt that filling my closet with clothes that fit has been such an essential component to body image healing.
It’s been difficult because I had been in a place of working towards minimalism, trying to make very conscious decisions around purchasing new clothing, and had not viewed new clothing as something I should put my money towards often.
As I allowed my body to settle into its natural size, I had to change my priorities. I had to decide that having clothes that fit my here and now body is important, and I will therefore have to spend more of my time and money on obtaining new clothes than I have the past few years. Being comfortable is something we all deserve! Many cities also have community clothing exchanges, which is a great opportunity to get rid of things that don’t serve you and find more comfort for free!
I think many of us can be apprehensive to spend $$ on clothing (or ourselves in general) but if its financially feasible it can be such an impactful form of self care and you DO DESERVE it!! Thanks for recommending the community clothing exchanges – that’s a great idea!
I agree with this. I think, too, I have noticed how much not wanting to spend money on a new wardrobe or items for ourselves is a theme that echoes an eating disorder. ED’s have a great sense of deprivation. “If I deprive myself of XYZ types of food then I’ll reach x weight.” If I sacrifice my time for exercising, then I’ll become this certain size I want to be.” “I won’t buy myself any clothing until I reach X size.” I think this theme is almost a personality characteristic that develops (or maybe is always there?) in individuals that struggle with ED’s. I think it’s a great exercise to counteract that at any opportunity.
I love the idea of creating a list of people you admire and why! When i think about that list, none of the reasons are based off their body but rather how great of people they are and all they have to offer; so why put so much pressure and focus on my own body? It’s crazy how we notice all these things about ourselves yet when we look at others we see right past any of these insecurities.
I love this whole post and am certainly going to put all of these ideas to work to improve my own body image <3