If it looks like a diet and reads like a diet….it’s a diet.
We may have started to move past blatantly obvious diet language and programs like Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig and NutriSystem, but our culture is still wildly obsessed with dieting. Now…we’ve moved towards wrapping diets up in trendy language like protocols, solutions, IIFYM (if it fits in your macros), non-toxic lifestyle, clean eating, ketogenic and on and on and on.
If a particular way of eating involves black and white rules…it’s a DIET. Any way of eating that forces you to rely mainly on external regulations versus listening to your bodies internal cues is a diet. No matter what way you spin it….it’s a diet.
I recognize there are beneficial nutrition guidelines that can have a profound therapeutic effect when applied to certain disease states and conditions. There is a time and a place to gently apply those principles in clinical practice. But sleep and stress also have significant impact on our health. So while yes, nutrition can dramatically improve someone’s health…the psychological distress that comes with following xyz protocol to heal your xyz condition has the potential to be very distressing. And it’s also a false promise.
Because health is more than a meal plan. And by now, the negative impact of stress our on our overall and long term health is well established in the research. I’m actually giving a talk on this very topic tonight and you can read more about that here if you’re interested in joining the conversation. BUT my point is….a protocol or solution or any other set of food rules is a diet. Some gentle nutritional guidance that take into consideration all other aspects of a person’s health is very different than a laundry list of rules.
I think it can be really easy to get swept up into the culturally sexy language of diet culture. I’m human too! We have to be skeptical and very protective of the media we consume and the conversations we engage in. If not, before long you’re found drinking the kool aid too. And you might not even realize you’re knee deep in diet culture until you take a step back.
Because often, controlling food is a way to feel in control of your life. But in reality…controlling your food and exercise actually creates more chaos. Or it’s media who has the control. Like the perfectly thin and flawless looking girl on Instagram. Or the magazine that is convincing you that you do this blah blah blah thing you will have this blah blah blah life. Or perhaps it’s the scale that fully dictates your mood and worth for the day. Outside influences do not control your life. YOU control your life.
You control your life.
Controlling food in an attempt to control your life will end in bad place. I’ve been there. Many other women have too. I never felt more in control of my life when I was controlling my food and exercise habits. If anything, I felt more crazed and anxious and distracted.
But controlling the environment I put myself in and the media I consume and the relationships I engage and invest in definitely makes me feel more in control of my life. Controlling those aspects of your life are worth pursuing. They make you less vulnerable to all the diet messages and societal pressures to look or be a certain way. And when you’re less vulnerable, you’re better able to ignore diet culture and instead choose things that help you live a better life.
I’d love to hear some ways you make yourself less vulnerable to diet culture. Share in the comments! And if you’re like…”Robyn…I feel totally influenced by diet culture right now.” share that too so we can help combat some of those messages affecting you. <3
Hi Robyn! I would love to sign up for the seminar you linked to in this post, but I’m not available tonight at 7pm to watch the seminar video. Will it be available to watch later on?
Yes you can watch anytime!
Amen! Totally not trying to poke the bear here, but I feel like you’ve really come into your own anti-diet beliefs in the last year-year and a half. With that said, there was a time when you completed (and received s lot of criticism for completing) the Whole 30. Would you still defend that today? Would you do it again? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Love that you brought this up! At that time (almost 2 years ago, time flies!) I wasn’t in a diet mentality but I think I was swept up into the social aspect of that (a lot of friends were doing it as a fun New Years thing) I wasn’t triggered by doing it nor did I feel constrained to keep following it at all but I wouldn’t do it again (which I think I posted about as a follow up) As RDs were are in our own process too and two years later I have researched and learned SO MUCH more about IE and HAES and so I have matured in this philosophy so you see that journey reflected in the blog and in my practice too. Thanks for commenting and letting me share some thoughts 🙂 I hope it was helpful!
Hi Robyn, I really enjoy your posts. You speak a lot about body acceptance and not attempting to obtain a desired body type or weight, which I’m all about. However, there are of course times where you may want to lose weight to get to your body’s natural size and where you feel good (perhaps after a weight gain due to stress, lack of sleep, difficult seasons of life. etc.). Can you address in a post or something how to view intentional weight loss without doing things like MyFitnessPal? Obviously, weight loss is obtained through some sort of calorie deficit, but I agree with you that any sort of “diet” is harmful. Any thoughts on normal, reasonable weight loss without the toxic culture of dieting? Thanks!
I think she’s talked a bit about that in these posts: https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/04/happy-weight/, https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/05/finding-healthy-set-point/, and https://www.thereallife-rd.com/2017/09/mindful-movement-2/.
Thank you for sharing those Abigail!
I’m wondering this too! Do you believe diets or food rules are never beneficial or appropriate? Even for obese individuals?
This is a great post idea Andrea! I do not believe food rules or diets are EVER appropriate. Because controlling food never made anyone healthier…tuning into one’s body and learning who to best care for yourself DOES lead to a healthier lifestyle. Obesity also is not a CAUSE of chronic disease — it can be associated but it doesn’t cause chronic disease. I hope that helps!
Thank you for posting this comment Kate.
Some of us do want to lose weight in a sustainable, non disordered way but I have yet to see any current, relevant, non commercial advice on how to achieve this. I understand that it has to be something that you are willing to do for the rest of your life and cannot be extreme or your body will revolt. I also know that it involves much more than eating 1200-1600 calories per day and exercising x per week. There is nothing I currently restrict but I am just consistently maintaining and it feels like I am spinning my wheels. I should add I am currently maintaining half of a 90 pound weight loss that was achieved over a number of years without the aid of a commercial diet so I know personally it can be done.
I ask myself pretty much daily if I can just let this all consuming process of weight loss go as I do resent the time it takes away from fully living. Sadly I realize the answer is no when I look at a recent photo and think of my health in the future. I honestly do not believe I will be healthy at this weight for the rest of my life even if I am fortunate enough to be healthy currently. And besides health I don’t want to always be identified as a bigger girl so yes, vanity is a factor as well.
I do believe that if I looked like/weighed the same as the majority of the current Haes advocates I would happily walk, no run away from dieting today.
However, when you are 40-50 pounds above a weight that feels comfortable for you to totally enjoy life it is harder to fully embrace this philosiphy. Believe me I have tried!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this Robin as like most things in life this is a very grey area.
Looking forward to a thoughtful discussion on this.
Cora I so hear you – and as a woman with relatively “thin privilege” I can understand how it can feel much easier to embrace HAES when you’re in a “socially acceptable” body. My heart goes out to you.
I think a post on this would be really really great. Have you listened to some Food Psych podcasts by Christy Harrison? She has women from ALL bodies on her podcast and that might be very encouraging for you!
Hi! I definitely don’t want to step on Robyn’s toes by answering, but I would HIGHLY recommend working with an RD who specializes/centers their practice around coaching clients through intuitive eating strategies :).
I think that can be a really good idea too – thank for gently suggesting Kaitlyn 🙂
Hi Kate! I think Abigail linked to some really helpful posts. I think it’s healthy to keep in mind that weight loss isn’t necessarily a bad thing if it helps you settle into your healthy set point – but that should never be the focus. Rather can you focus on taking care of yourself and developing healthy habits and that will allow your body to find it’s set point without focusing on weight at all. Does that make sense?
Ahhh, yes! I am working on a full recovery (I’ve been in that pseudo-recovery space for many, many years) and it is so hard to do in our world. I have one friend who is so sweet and self-aware, but also so consumed by diet culture. She is a fitness trainer and trying to get her body to look a certain way. She counts her macros and no longer under eats, but is only focused on “clean” eating and staying away from “processed crap,” convinced that she should be able to have that flat stomach and perfectly sculpted muscles if she does the right things. I try to take those conversations with a grain of salt and I try to be empathetic, but it is hard! She knows I am working on recovery and regaining my fertility, but I am sitting there like, “umm, I had Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and I am eating a delicious pumpkin muffin from the coffee shop, and I think croissants and bacon are amazing things….” I don’t want a life anymore that is dictated by how my body looks. I want a family and I want my sanity. I guess I don’t have any suggestions, but it’s nice knowing there are other women out there who are striving for the same thing: food, body and exercise freedom.
I so agree with Hillary’s point…”I don’t want a life anymore that is dictated by how my body looks. I want a family and I want my sanity.” There’s so much more to life than dieting and diet culture is HARD to escape. There was a time when I was under eating, lost my period, and felt lethargic…and then there was a time when I was “recovered” and following “clean eating” but nothing feels as freeing to me as intuitive eating. I am only starting to learn how to really intuitively eat, but I have never thought less about food than I have now and that is such good feeling. There are times when I feel the same old guilt I used to feel about eating certain foods or skipping a workout, but I find that vocalizing these feelings makes me how much those things don’t matter to me in the grand scheme of things because I am really living my happiest, most balanced life.
I can very much relate to your story Kylie <3
Being able to call out those diet thoughts is so therapeutic - rooting for you!
It’s so hard because being on the non diet side is the minority but keep your mind saturated with non diet media and people and perhaps shed some light on that for you friend too – it could be just what she needs hear! And I love your outlook – when you look back on your life you don’t ever want to only remember food and your body size. Thinking of you in your recovery! <3
Hi Robyn! I’m not sure if I’ve ever commented here before, despite being a loyal reader and fellow anti-diet dietitian. 🙂 I totally agree that our current culture makes it really, really challenging to sift through the food trends and diet lingo. As someone who has fell prey to dieting and restricting under a guise of health (i.e. ITFYM, food “allergies” etc. and a RD, I know it takes a lot of effort to ignore the endless assault of diet messages. For me, getting rid of all my health/fitness magazine subscriptions, being very mindful and intentional about what TV shows and movies I watch, and drastically reducing my social media participation and followers has helped TONS. After seeking ED treatment and stepping down, my husband and I actually relocated to the south east from California to be closer to family AND remove ourselves from an environment and culture that was really fixated on restrictive eating and physical appearance, extreme exercise etc. (at least that was our experience!). I know not everyone can move (or needs to relocate), but reevaluating the people you interact with and how you spend your time and possibly changing your surroundings can be really helpful. Living in the south where most people have no idea (or don’t care!) what an adaptogenic herb is is SO refreshing! Ha! OK! Longest comment ever! Thanks for being a voice for truly balanced living and advocating for women to stand up against diet culture. Lots of respect! –Katie
Katie thank you so much for sharing!! Oh how I can relate to the obsessive culture of the northeast – especially Manhattan! You are so brave for moving and knowing what you needed to do. I couldn’t agree more with choosing WHAT you engage in and the environment you cultivate. Thanks for sharing!
I’ve had to work REALLY hard to cultivate a space for myself where I feel less vulnerable to diet culture… but I have to agree that the hard work that I’ve put into controlling my environment in order to protect myself has been far more “results-oriented”/productive/LIFE GIVING than any attempt I’ve ever made at controlling my food. As a type 1 diabetic, it can be easy to slip sometimes, because I have to pay attention to what I eat and actually count carbs and regulate my blood sugar/insulin. I haven’t been able to completely ditch the numbers, but where I can, I have- such as the scale, counting calories, etc. I have deleted Instagram off of my phone and I only check it periodically from my computer when I want some positive reinforcement from people like Robyn, Kylie, or a handful of other non-diet dieticians. While it started out as me trying to eliminate my consumption of diet talk, it’s really turned into me being much more selective overall of the voices that I let into my own head. I’ve found it’s so much easier to tune into my own body/mind/needs/desires when I have SPACE for just my voice. Instagram especially was such a negative trigger for me that made it difficult for me to feel gratitude for my own life. Being a lot less present there has led me to be much more present in my REAL LIFE which feels amazing and supports my overall intentions of intuitive living… I’ve become a more vivid version of myself. And to think this all started from not dieting! I will say that it felt weird at first to stop reading endless articles about what to eat/how to exercise, etc… but now I have to say that when I do stumble across a headline of “Eat these 5 foods to lose weight” I can easily laugh and just move on because I know I don’t need that information clouding my intuition.
This was long… but I love this post!
Thank you so much for sharing all of that Trista! I think its’ just what many women need to hear – that consuming diet messages and media will only leave us confused, chasing a never ending goal and forgetful of the good life we have right in front of us. Thanks for sharing <3
Listening to the Food Psych and Love Food podcasts really helps reinforce my thoughts about not dieting and trying to accept life in a slightly larger body than I had when deeply entrenched in disordered eating.
LOVE Food Psych for those very reasons – there is such body diversity on those podcasts!
Really loving this post – I am currently on my own food adventure journey and everyone in my office is doing Whole 30. I know it’s unrealistic for me to follow that diet, so I don’t even bother joining in the chat. I still get stressed with friend HHs and events (like Halloween) but try to make sure I have a good base of food before the night kicks off and I am tempted to make not so great choices. Balance is so important, which is something I see throughout many of your posts. Would love to get your thoughts though on saying no to alcohol when out w/ friends, but still trying to be social. I feel like when I say no thanks, ppl think I am pregnant (age 30), or i just tell them I’m trying to lose weight. But in reality I am just trying to be the best version of me and eating those foods are triggers for ED behaviors and feeling gluttonous.
Anyways love you posts – and feel like I resonate a lot with your posts!
Hi Leigh! I think saying “no” to alcohol in social settings will always more often than not cause comments, but what I think that is rooted in is that person’s own insecurities with their drinking. And that’s okay if they are insecure or questioning their drinking choices – I’ve totally been the one thinking “should I not be drinking if she isn’t drinking?” and everyone doesn’t want to feel alone. I would encourage you to simply say “I don’t feel like drinking tonight” and let it be that. I think if you don’t make it a big deal..others won’t either. Of course all that to say, make sure that not wanting to drink if from a healthy motivation (which it sounds like it is for you) and not “I don’t want a glass of wine because it has xyz calories or sugar” I hope that helps!!
I love your posts Robin!! I wasted way too many years trying to control my weight with food & exercise. It’s crazy when you step back & realize how normal disordered relationships with food & exercise are!! It is EVERYWHERE disguised as “healthy”. I have a daughter who is the most intuitive eater I know & it kills me to worry that she’ll fall into the trap too. For all of those that feel they need to control food & exercise due to fear of weight gain, our bodies are super smart!! When you eat what you most want when you are actually hungry & stop when you’ve had enough your body becomes the size it was meant to be. And the best part is you don’t have to try & torture yourself with food & exercise rules. You become totally free which is such a happier way to live!!
It is so rampant unfortunately! Thank you for sharing all that truth Jennifer!
YES! This single concept is really what helped me get out of diet culture. I have always been a person that prides myself on not “buying into” things just because the mass society was, but I had never thought of my fitness “lifestyle” as being part of that. It was magazines that initially set off my disordered eating long ago, and definitely fitness bloggers/instagramers that was perpetuating it later on in life. Learning that I could completely decide to NOT engage with these types of messages was very freeing for me. Now, I seem to be so much better about picking up on when I hear “diet talk” and diet mentality in all different avenues. It has become so much easier for me to now think, “I’m so glad I don’t have to feel like I have to strive for this [body/diet].” More than anything, I feel sorry for those that do…
YES! We don’t have to be sponges! And being on the other side I hope creates a lot of empathy and that can help others!
This is so relatable right now. I’ve been trying to do IE for three years now. Unfortunately, my therapist feels like my ED could have been missed and therefore not addressed. No wonder it’s felt so difficult!
I do notice an improvement when I am super selective about the time I spend and who I follow on social media. I am also vocal about my experiences where I am. For example, I’m in yoga teacher training right now and dieting topics come up. It’s important for me to gentle mention how common disordered eating is and how it shows up in the yoga studio. And hopefully I can make an impact on the importance of yoga studios that embrace body diversity and health at every size.
If anyone has any leads on how to work through these things affordably and through distance, I’d love any recommendations. Trying to find a way through since my current therapist doesn’t specialize in disordered eating and doesn’t know how best to help. I really appreciate your posts, Robyn and all the comments here!
It can get messy at times if an ED is intertwined with IE…I’m so sorry that was missed for so long <3
How encouraging to hear that you are be vocal about diet culture in yoga studios - that is far more common in studios than we think and I think we need WAY more yoga teachers with a HAES lens.
There are many RDs that do telehealth but not many take insurance unfortunately - but maybe other commenters know of some, please share!
I feel like when I read your posts and the comments I have found my people. I spent many years yo-yo dieting and about three years with an eating disorder. I feel mostly recovered now, but I’m not immune to society’s pressure. However, I have taken a hard look at my social media habits, so that is a pretty good amount of control. It helps me so that when I hear diet talk around me (I work only with women, so boy do I hear it), I can *usually* keep it from sinking in and affecting me. Selecting only positive social media is probably the most significant thing I have done to help heal.
YES! I agree with/relate to all this so much. It’s such a relief from the constant diet-talk of society to come here and read this kind of viewpoint. After having an eating disorder for ears and years, this kinda stuff – Robyn’s blog and her reader’s = helps a lot to keep me in the right kind of headspace.
<3 <3 I hope this space always remains a refuge full of life, encouragement and community
Love that you feel among your people here Ashley <3 That is my hope!
I totally agree that cleaning out you social media is so pivotal!
Hi Robyn,
I spent a considerable amount of time submitting what I thought was a thoughtful comment to this post this afternoon. When I last checked it was awaiting moderation. Currently I don’t see it in the comments.
Besides the fact that I spelled your name incorrectly (Sorry!) was there something wrong with the comment?
Just wanted to continue the dialouge Kate started. I sincerely hope none of it was problematic.
I value your insights and truly enjoy everything you post so am hoping my comment wasn’t inappropriate as that certainly wasn’t my intention.
Enjoy your evening!
So sorry Cora – I am approving comments now so it’s here! Thank YOU for contributing to the conversation! 🙂
Love this post as always! This may be kind of weird response but I always set my computer background to be something that’s really large and expansive, like a picture I’ve taken hiking or a picture of the universe. Background pictures of my friends and family are always great, but sometimes I accidentally play the comparison game. Whenever I’m feeling stressed out, I look at the pictures that I choose for backgrounds and think about my life and body from the prospective of the universe and all it’s grandness- little things like tests, quizzes, donuts, pounds, ounces, diet culture, are so insignificant compared to the wonder of the world. In the big picture of someone’s life, your weight means nothing, but in the big picture of the universe it’s absolutely nothing. Diet culture can only take up as much space in my head as I let it.
I love this idea! Yes yes YES. We have a choice and we get to choose what we engage our minds in.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t escape the diet culture and messages. Like for instance, sugar has been deominzied so much lately and it started to take its toll on me. Sometimes I freak out if I have a lot of fruit in one day or if something else I’m eating has sugar in it. With all these detoxes I’ve seen, even being led by RDs I can feel trapped and confused. I know restriction is wrong and listening to my body is right but it’s hard when we live in a society telling us that our bodies are wrong.
Michelle I hear you in being so confused – especially when nutrition experts, the RDs, are peddling diets and fear mongering around foods. I would highly encourage you to put some boundaries around what kind of media you consume. That could be a helpful place to begin. Thinking of you! <3
When diet talk arises, I try to take a mindful approach – acknowledge its existence, then move on in a non-judgemental way so that I don’t unproductively dwell on it or let it affect me.
Of course, that’s the ideal… 😉 like an ongoing mindfulness practice, it takes a huge amount of practice not to be sucked in to the diet culture all around us.
Acknowledging it and calling it out for what it is can help immensely in disengaging – so helpful, thanks for sharing Katherine!
I think it is so incredibly hard to be on a college campus where thinness is equated with desirability..I feel like women always being in close quarters just breeds comparison and competition, which feeds diet culture. It’s definitely so tough, but reading your words and other anti-diet material/podcasts always helps!
College was SO HARD for me too Julianne. Keep your mind saturated in the non diet world and maybe share it with your friends when conversations arise? Keep your head and heart focused <3
Hi Kate! I think Abigail linked to some really helpful posts. I think it’s healthy to keep in mind that weight loss isn’t necessarily a bad thing if it helps you settle into your healthy set point – but that should never be the focus. Rather can you focus on taking care of yourself and developing healthy habits and that will allow your body to find it’s set point without focusing on weight at all. Does that make sense?
Agreeed- I’m so tired of hearing disordered eating normalized by talking about it as a protocol or clean eating. Love that you keep bringing awareness to this!
This post came at a really great time! I have been struggling with a 10 lb weight gain over the past 2 years. I am constantly looking for a new diet plan that will help me lose the weight or at least avoid any more weight gain. It’s like when I try to restrict myself, I just end up craving and eating more in the evening. I should mention, I struggled with an eating disorder in my teens. I am 50 now and still struggle. Any suggestions on how to let it go??
Learning that I need to take responsibility for the media I consume and asking the Lord to help me discern what I can handle and what I don’t need to be looking at has been such a good lesson this past year especially, and I’m thankful you posted this.
I’ve had basically every possible eating disorder or type of disordered eating throughout the past 18 years and I’ve finally decided (thanks to you and a few other bloggers/dieticians) to try and let go of all food rules and view food as neutral. It’s been a struggle for sure and I have my tough body-image moments but it’s so relaxing to not spend ALL my time thinking about food! I try to avoid anyone on social media who talks about dieting and listen to podcasts from people who promote the idea of no food rules. It makes a big difference!
As a fellow RD, it is SO HARD to stay out of diet culture. I work in primary care/outpatient counseling so nearly every patient who comes in is pursuing weight loss to some degree. I have moved more toward an IE/HAES approach over the last year, and there are some who are open to the concepts, and others who feel offended that I might even suggest that they’re weight is ok. So I don’t want to push people away, because my job is to help them lose weight, but it feels so wrong to prescribe things I cannot fully commit to (portion sizes, calorie needs, etc.). So instead I just write about whatever I want on my blog and this gives me the outlet until I figure out what I want to do with my life 🙂
I LIVE IN BOSTON! 🙂 Born and raised… you will LOVE it here. So excited for you!!
Yes!!!! I completely agree with everything you are saying! This also makes me think about the book Intuitive Eating, which I’m going through now. We need to reject diet mentality to truly eat intuitively. This is so hard to do in our culture, but it’s possible. I have pretty much stopped reading fitness magazines because they are full of these pseudo diets.
Hi Robyn! I enjoy reading your blogs. They’re so refreshing and encouraging especially when it comes to healthy living.
I haven’t been doing IE for a long time, but I do like the idea of the freedom it gives when food no longer is good or bad. I am working on viewing all foods like that and not letting what I eat constantly take over my thoughts (there are so many other important things to focus on). I do try to honor what my body is craving or eating when I’m hungry even if it seems like I should be full already.
I know IE is a process and takes time. I want to fuel my body and honor it, but sometimes I think I can easily distort IE’s intentions and turn it into diet. A lot of the foods I see you post are foods made with whole grain flours or organic coconut oil, etc. Those aren’t things I grew up eating and see as normal staples in my pantry. My question is how do you find sound nutrition advice in a world saturated in diet mentality or “this is better than that so you should cook with that” mentality? How do I make my diet balanced without turning into a diet?
Thanks for your help!
Yes yes YES to this post! I feel like it’s so so rare nowadays to find someone who truly is a normal eater, with not a hint of diet mentality. It’s shocking how normalized dieting has become. I resonated so much with the idea of finding peace in controlling your environment and your relationships. For me, I stopped obsessing over food when I started to live more intuitively, living in the moment instead of always planning ahead. I just sort of realized that life is a lot more exciting when you say yes to different spontaneous opportunities or to that slice of pie from Grey Dog at 11pm with your two best girlfriends. It’s called living. <3
For me, it has been so much more of a mental thing that I ever imagined. When I hear people talk about diets or see it somewhere, I have to do some self talk: “I would rather just enjoy my food than worry about calories.” “I know that if I tried that diet, it would make me so crazy.” “I want to be more focused on real things that matter in life than every bite of food I have.” “I wonder if that bikini model/super skinny girl/person with 6 pack abs is even happy.” IE is SO SO FREEING!!!
yes yes yes YES. “That does not and will never work for me” is one I like too 🙂