I wrote a post on intuitive eating and weight loss back in April. This post is a second part to that post.
As we go into the New Year where talk about weight loss resolutions is as frequent as conversations about the weather…I hope this post helps release the pressure and expectation to change your body in 2018.
Before we begin, I want to recognize that I am a woman with thin privilege. And because of that, I don’t know what it’s like to be stigmatized and shamed because of my weight. I realize that. My heart completely empathizes with those of you who experience weight stigma and shame. Your journey with Health At Every Size (HAES) and intuitive eating (IE) will present more challenges than my journey because of our diet culture and fat phobic society and I hate that for you. What I do know is that I have devoted my career to the HAES mission and I’m continually advocating on your behalf.
A few weeks ago, a reader emailed me asking, “What if you are clinically obese and have gained weight trying IE in the past? Even if I try to accept how my body looks, I want to lose weight for my health and I don’t know how to do that when IE led to weight gain. The only times I have ever lost weight (and then maintained the loss for a long time) was a result of structured, clean eating.”
This is a whole other post, but the word “obese” is a word that needs to die. It needs to be taken out of the medical dictionary and out of our ICD-10 diagnostic codes. Obese is a pathological term. It indicates a person’s weight is an illness. And the term has the high potential to create a ton of shame and stigma that research shows actually contributes to worse health outcomes. A weight and height that puts your BMI (which is irrelevant anyways) above 30 does not directly indicate you have an illness or unhealthy condition. This deserves a post in and of itself, so I’ll leave it at that for now.
I think the question being asked is, “How do I lose weight without dieting?”
But before that question can be addressed, I think coming to a place of acceptance with two things has to happen first.
- Can I accept that my healthy set point could be different than my ideal set point?
- Can I let go of the pursuit of weight loss? Can I choose to learn behaviors that help me honor my health instead of behaviors that manipulate my body size?
Let’s work through the first question. I like to think of Health At Every Size as the umbrella. And intuitive eating can be one of the skills that falls under the HAES philosophy. HAES puts a focus on healthy behaviors and allows the body to settle into whatever size it needs to be. Weight loss focuses on manipulating body size by eating inadequate amounts of energy so the body consumes itself and becomes smaller. HAES focuses on developing healthy behaviors as a way to health. Weight loss focuses on changing behaviors that manipulate body size as a path to health. Weight loss does not equal health. Weight loss does not equal health.
The word “every” in Health at Every Size does not imply that there is no such thing as an unhealthy weight. HAES acknowledges that being severely under your body’s genetic set point or severely above your body’s genetic set point can cause problems for a person’s health and wellbeing. But a person’s weight does not paint the full picture – we hyper focus so much on a few numbers and we totally miss the big picture. There are multiple other factors that contribute to a peron’s health – behaviors, the resources available to them, support systems, socioeconomic status and many other life circumstances. HAES implies that health and wellbeing are a dynamic system of intersecting factors, weight being possibly one of them. HAES is based on overwhelming research showing behaviors are a much better predictor of health outcomes than body size. And that people with all kinds of different body sizes have similar health outcomes.
Now that we have established a person can be healthy at a variety of sizes, we can also conclude that it isn’t weight itself that leads to chronic disease or health conditions. It is mainly behaviors. Behaviors that define our relationships with food, movement, sleep, stress, other people, etc etc. There are also factors that we cannot control like socioeconomic factors, genetics and life circumstances. We also know diets don’t work. I have yet to find one statistically significant study that shows otherwise (if you have, please email it to me.) There is a lack of evidence showing successful intentional weight loss, and a lack of evidence that long term weight loss leads to better health. Knowing that, it doesn’t make sense to pursue weight loss if we want to better our health. It makes sense to change our behaviors to improve our health.
Can weight loss be a possible outcome of changing behaviors? Sure. But I believe in order to pursue health you cannot also pursue weight loss. And improving your health does not mean simply losing weight. I believe pursuing weight loss dissociates you from your body. Almost always, the focus is on eating less and moving more, not on honoring your body’s hunger + cravings, moving in a way that feels good, and caring for yourself in all other realms of health. I believe in order to find true health, you have to come to a place where you can accept your body at any size it chooses to be when you are honoring your body and health with nourishment, enjoyable movement and self care.
Like we illustrated in the beginning of this post, HAES is the umbrella. Intuitive eating is a learned skill that falls under that umbrella to help you achieve better overall health. Some people will gain weight with intuitive eating, some people will stay the same weight and some people will lose weight. Neither you nor I can predict what will happen, but over time as you develop skills in becoming a competent intuitive eater, your body will settle into it’s natural set point – which is a range of about 10 to 20 lbs, not a particular number.
Intuitive eating and weight loss are mutually exclusive. If you are trying to lose weight with intuitive eating, that’s called a diet. If you believe you are genuinely above your body’s natural set point, I think it’s important to note that as you begin your intuitive eating journey, you might initially gain weight before your body finds its natural set point. Because the beginning steps of intuitive eating include 1) making peace with food and 2) challenging the food police.
Making peace with food means giving yourself unconditional permission to eat. Challenging the food police means dismantling judgment and morality from food and seeing all foods as neutral. If you’ve been in a diet mentality for some time, giving yourself permission to eat any and all foods at any and all times in any and all amounts without judgment might mean you eat energy dense, highly palatable food more often in the beginning. Be patient. Give yourself time. Eating all the foods that were “off limits” or “bad” as often and as much as you’d like until those food truly have no power over you is part of the process. It won’t last forever. For some people, this phase of the IE journey might cause weight gain. That’s okay. This is your body figuring itself out.
Dieting doesn’t allow you to feel more capable around highly palatable foods. Dieting teaches you how to deprive yourself of these foods which likely works… until your primal drive to eat takes over and you find yourself in a chaotic, stressful eating experience. Becoming an intuitive eater allows you to eat these highly palatable foods in a nourishing amount, in a mindful way, when you are craving them. You will crave them all the time until you give yourself full permission to eat them whenever you want in whatever amount you want.
Intuitive eating isn’t a quick fix. It’s a marathon that has no finish line. You never arrive because life is always changing. You are always learning how best to nourish yourself given different life circumstances. If you gained weight in the initial stages (which can be months or years) of your intuitive eating journey, that is part of your body finding it’s natural set point. If your body’s set point is below that initial weight gain (or your starting weight) over time (which can be months to years) your body will find it’s healthy set point. Because when you get to a place where there are no rules around eating and exercise and no morality tied to food and exercise, you are better able to tune into your body’s hunger, fullness and cravings. If you find it hard to not control your weight, the question to ask yourself might be, “Can I accept that my healthy set point could be different than my ideal set point?”
We all have a food story. And that story shapes our relationship to food. Maybe controlling food was a way you survived an out of control, abusive childhood. Perhaps manipulating your body by controlling food is a how you feel valuable, successful or worthy. Maybe keeping your body a certain size is how you’ve protected yourself from intimacy. Perhaps the comfort of food and knowing it is always there is a way you feel safe and loved. Food is a way we cope with internal struggles. It’s rarely about the food itself.
So perhaps you didn’t fail with intuitive eating. But maybe you were treating intuitive eating like a diet, and therefore like all other diets, the diet failed you. You didn’t fail.
There are so many components to uncover as you learn the skills to become an intuitive eater. Think of it as an onion. An onion that has one layer at a time peeled back in a very slow way. Finding your healthy set point and true health involves so much more than intuitive eating. It’s learning how to care for yourself in all realms of health – emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. And also accepting there are things we cannot control that affect our health. It’s a long journey. Give yourself a lot of time and patience and compassion. But it’s worth it, not only for your mental health and happiness but for your long term physical health.
And know that the journey to body acceptance and intuitive eating is anything but linear. It’s an ebb and flow and a continual learning process. We never arrive. I’m on my own path with you too.
Sharing our paths with others, I think makes us feel less alone. If you want, share where you’re at in your IE/HAES journey in the comments!
Hi Robyn,
Thank you for writing this.
Now I understand my husband’s healthy relationship with food (and now I know that he has always explained exactly this to me) and will certainly pass on the IE approach to my now 13-month daughter.
Looking back to my childhood, I now realize that my unbalanced relationship with food was in good part determined then. Is that possible?
Kisses from the Azores, Portugal 🙂
Can I just print this out and pass it out to my friends?! This HAES journey can be so isolating. I, too, have thin privilege, but it is still so hard. I’ve been trying to explain what I am working on and learning about to my friends and they are super supportive, BUT they then continue to talk about having to work out 3 hours in order to have gluten free pancakes with a teaspoon of syrup (plus, chicken, because OMG I have to get lean protein in for my macros!) and how someone was giving them workout advice, but they were obviously unhealthily overweight (I wanted to jump out of my chair screaming at this point). I want a full recovery from anorexia and exercise addiction. I want my future kids to grow up and not have starving and dieting clouding their minds, keeping them from wholly experiencing the world. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being a space where I can come for encouragement and reminders that I am doing the good and necessary work for a full life, even though it is sometimes so dang hard. Also, another blog post on dealing with friends who are obsessed into fitness and “health” (clean eating, macro counting, gluten-dairy-refined sugar intolerance, aka dieting). One of them is actually a personal trainer. I love my friends dearly, but it’s so triggering to be eating a delicious poppyseed scone and pumpkin latte as they are demonizing sugar and extolling the benefits of working out for 3 hours, continuing to work out with excruciating back pain, etc. I’m sure I’m not the only one who struggles with this and would love some advice!
I feel like lately I’ve been doing awesome with intuitive eating- I took 10 days off from all forms of fitness other than walking and didn’t have ONE intrusive thought. In the past, I would have a few, but was able to work through them logically. However, this time I didn’t even have a single bad thought and it was awesome. You and the rest of the HAES/IE bloggers can take a large amount of the credit here.
I think one thing that actually really helped me out in my intuitive eating journey as of late is hanging out with tons of men, since I feel like they are much better at practicing intuitive eating principles than women for the most part due to the fact that they aren’t so steeped in diet culture from the time they are young. It’s amazing how much having strong friends can really help you along with food.
Happy Holidays- I always love reading your posts! I am looking forward to saturating my new years with posts like this rather than the new years diet industry garbage.
I agree with you that men can sometimes be a refreshing influence. Happy holidays Savannah!!
I was trying to explain this new philosophy I’m (working on) embracing but I didn’t do a very good job, she didn’t get it. I think I will just send her this post 🙂
thank you for sharing Carey!
I wanted to add some logistical support for those of you going through this journey. For me, one of the hardest parts of allowing my body to reach its natural size was feeling my clothes grow tighter and becoming physically uncomfortable. Depending on socioeconomic status, continuing to purchase new clothes as your body changes may not be an option. I know there are clothing rental services that can help with this if fashion is important to you and you have the resources. For me, investing in some clothes that I know fit me and feel comfortable at a wider size range has helped me to let go of the need to micromanage my body size and accept where my body belongs. My body image improved dramatically when I discovered high waisted bottoms! I definitely don’t think people in larger bodies should have to hide behind certain types of clothes, but that wearing clothes that make YOU comfortable, regardless of size, can help with body image and allow you to lean in to this process more.
This!!! IE has been so good to me psychicologivally but the constant need to buy bigger clothes is an ongoing financial battle. Right now I mostlt buy what is cbeap & does fit. I don’t really like my style now (I don’t have any I think) and I hope it will get better when I am back working full time (I am finishing a second degree at the moment). Renting clothes is not an option where I live & second hand clothing in my area is often quite old-fashioned I find.
thanks for sharing Anne! great idea and YES you are right, we all deserve to be in comfortable clothes.
Thank you for writing this, great article, articulate and to the point. For me it came at the right time, as my clothing are a little more snug this year then last and as a “lifestyle” person, not “dieter” I have been struggling on how to frame what is going on, and go back to focusing on nourishing my body and soul and accepting the outcome of that! I have passed it on to so many people I know who struggle with the thought of being “obese”.
xx You’re welcome Sara. You are influencing so many! Thank you for being a part of this community <3
Robyn, thank you for this post. I still have questions, though… I might be wrong, but after doing a ton of research on this in the past few months, I have come to the conclusion that intuitive eating might not be right for people who are far above their natural set point. Yes, their weight is a result of different behaviors, but I feel like intuitive eating is almost too free to allow for any behavioral changes. What I mean by that is, let’s say there is a person who hates all fruits and vegetables, and their diet mostly consists of high-sugar processed foods. Then, wouldn’t intuitive eating for them just be the continuation of eating exactly the same way? I guess what I am wondering is what is the overlap between choosing to make healthier choices, like filling your plate with veggies, limiting processed foods, etc. and intuitive eating? Thank you.
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Hi Nicole! Intuitive Eating is connecting your head knowledge with body wisdom. Through intuitive eating, that person would cultivate awareness around how their body is feeling. They will not physically feel their best eating processed food for every meal (that’s body wisdom) so they might do an experiment where they apply some head knowledge (vegetables are physically nourishing so let me include those in two meals a day) and then see how they feel. Over time that person will hopefully cultivate more and more awareness around what their body is saying…strengthening their ability to listen to their body’s wisdom which will lead to more confidence in making health honoring choices – health meaning nutrition, sleep, stress, movement, self care etc
Becoming an intuitive eater means nourishing your body in a way that FEELS good, which includes honoring your health and your cravings. I hope that helps a bit!
Definitely helps, thanks! I just wish there was more talk out there about making healthier choices like that rather than restricting; that would save so many people I think.
Last week I was sitting in my ObGyn’s office happily reporting how great I feel and how excited I was for my future. Exactly one year ago, I underwent a hysterectomy and my recovery has been wonderful and I’ve never felt better -physically and emotionally.
I’m 43, married without children (except my fur baby of course) and a lifelong warrior against an eating disorder. I’ve gravitated towards HAES philosophy and Intuitive Eating and have slowly started to embrace both. And as a result, as alive said, I’ve never felt happier! But as soon as my well-intentioned doctor told me that I’d gained 10 pounds since last year and I’m already clinically “morbidly obese” and she wanted me to be “aware” she said. As if I don’t see my own reflection every day.
As soon as she said this to me I burst into tears. I told her how I have felt so good and happy despite being 240 pounds. She acknowledged that my vitals were good, her only fear was that in another year I might be 10 more pounds heavier… And so all of my strides towards HAES and IE blew up. My eating disorder came busting back into the forefront of my mind as if to mock me and scold me.
So, for the last week I’ve been scribbling plans to over exercise, eat less, and avoid life until that scale reads 100 pounds less. My life’s work has remains the same – get skinny, stay skinny. How depressing. How boring.
But today I saw your post and my confidence came back immediately. My resolve to live Intuitively reimerged and I feel worthy again. Worthy to walk among the happy people of the world. I’m worth being happy too. It’s okay to feel good even if I look the way I do. No matter what even my doctor sees. And so —Thank You! ♥️ And Merry Christmas!
Good luck, Sarah! I’m so sorry your doctor brought up all those horrible feelings again. You are worthy and enough just how you are! It’s unfortunate that diet culture is so insidious and rampant even in the medical field. Like Robyn said, “…the journey to body acceptance and intuitive eating is anything but linear. It’s an ebb and flow and a continual learning process.” Hang in there!
Thank you! ~xo
I AM SO SORRY you had a doctor tell you that. I apologize for the health profession as whole Sarah <3 If it's helpful, that is her own weight bias and stigma being projected onto you and we have a long way to go as a profession in terms of HAES and truly knowing the literature and applying that to practice when it comes to weight and health.
I'm so glad the blog post was refreshing and redirecting - cling to what you KNOW is true. People's thoughts are just thoughts - not facts or truth. I'm advocating for you <3
Merry Christmas! xo
I could never restrict myself again, but I’m at a point where I’m having some difficulty with intuitive eating. Sometimes I see other bloggers like yourself eat “healthy” meals (according to society’s standards) and I compare it to my meals and wonder if I’m doing IE “right”. I feel my clothes getting tighter and see extra body fat on myself and wonder if maybe I’m not doing a good job nourishing myself. I work at a desk job now and I quit a gym I was attending because my trainer told me I should cut out gluten because I looked “rounder” that day. So I’m not exercising as much and I crave it, but I don’t always make the time for it. I suppose I still have what society considers a “normal” body, but it is bigger than what I’m comfortable with. So I’m struggling a little, but I do believe in no restrictions/no rules.
There is no way to do IE — it’s completely subjective. It’s a long journey and every body’s set point is different. So IE might cause your body to change as it finds it’s set point. Be patient and gentle with yourself <3
I am SO THANKFUL and GRATEFUL to finally be in a comfortable place with intuitive eating and exercise. It’s been this past year that I’ve truly given up diet thoughts and it’s been the best year ever! I want EVERYONE to know about intuitive eating and I try my best to encourage others on my instagram account as well! THANK YOU FOR HELPING SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!
Thanks for sharing your new found freedom Kelsey!! <3
This is such great information and so well said. I have worked with addictions as a mental health practitioner for a lot of my career, and so much of what you have said here also reminds me of that Stages of Change process. I think many are led to Intuitive Eating with the hope and idea that they may lose weight, as if it’s a sudden magic answer for a puzzle they have been trying to accomplish for some time. I believe many people come to Intuitive Eating in either that precontemplation or contemplation stage. That is, many do not realize or understand the pursuit of weight loss is not the answer and they need to learn or contemplate that it is actually a part of the problems and stress they experience. I was one of these people. Secretly, I hoped that Intuitive Eating would help me lose weight, but then, after working through a lot of issues with a lot of help, I slowly learned that they value I was getting back in my life from NOT dieting was worth way more than the desire to be in a certain size of body. I learned that I literally had to relearn natural and biological cues that were there, but I had totally ignored for several years. I actually gained weight with intuitive eating, but for anyone reading this that has that fear, let me assure you that is the LEAST of my concerns now because the lack of stress and pressure I experience now is so much more rewarding!
Thanks for sharing Amber!
What a great post, Robyn. I went back and read it twice because you made such great points! Quick question- where are you getting all of this awesome information? I know there are books out there on HAES and IE that I’m currently working through reading, but I want even more information! I’m so excited about these concepts and want to inform everyone about it to make everyone’s lives easier and happier. Screw diet culture! Are there any classes or courses out there that you recommend? I’m currently living in Germany for my husband’s assignment with the Air Force, so I can’t physically attend anything since I’m not in the states. Thanks for constantly encouraging and sharing all of this knowledge! It’s truly life-changing; you are doing phenomenal work.
Hi Emily! Health At Every Size, Body Respect, Body Kindness and IE are great places to start. Linda Bacon has a lot of research as well on PubMed that is fantastic. Hope that is helpful! EDRDPro is also a great organization with webinars and there is IE training that you can take by Evelyn Tribole.
Thank you Robyn for this!! Since basically all of the IE/HAES blogger that I know.and follow are of a small body size (as seen from someone’s view that is in the plus size clothing), I was starting to wonder if I was doing IE wrong. That I was eating too much & exercising too little after all. Now, after your post, I realize that I did see IE as a diet. I suppose I have to except that this large body might be it, if I do choose peace of mind (= IE).
To be honest, I still do not feel like myself after the IE-weight gain. I do not like fotos of me at all. That is one of the ebb-phases I guess. Here’s to tolerating my large body better in 2018.
You are not doing it wrong Astrid – although I can 100% see how reading posts from IE bloggers with thin privilege would cause that. It is an ebb and flow and remember that you body is the master at controlling its size. Thinking of you!
This sums up everything I’ve tried to explain to my parents when they were shocked that I gained weight after not seeing them for months, even though they knew I was trying to recover and eat intuitively. 🙁 I’m so glad you posted this today, as I’ve been feeling very discouraged along my IE journey. Thank you, thank you, you are so incredible!!!
I’m so glad you found it encouraging and refreshing Marina!
Thanks for writing this. I’m the reader who wrote in with the original question and you’ve given me something to think about. I don’t know if I will ever be okay with the possibility of gaining weight back during a years-long IE process, though. As much as I love the idea of eating that way and of not making food the enemy, gaining 30 lbs again (or more) means more than a change in appearance. It means I can’t walk more than 1/4 of a mile without getting sweaty and out of breath. It means I have to use a CPAP machine to get any sleep. It means shopping becomes a nightmare. Frankly, IE is very different when you are very overweight; the stakes are higher and spending a few years gaining while I shift things mentally can quite literally immobilize me. Those consequences mean I will probably not be able to enjoy any increased peace of mind from an IE mindset. Truly, it’s dieting that made it possible for me to begin exercising again without pain and exhaustion from the start. That being said, I think there are ways to treat my body better from an anti-diet frame of mind, and I will certainly do what I can. Thanks for the food for thought.
Hi Robyn, thanks for this post, just one question – what if I can’t accept that my healthy set point is now than my ideal set point?
* more not now. Sorry!
I know it might seem impossible now, but with a lot of work you will be able to accept it…it can just take a really long time and that’s hard. Hang in there. <3
Thanks Robyn. I was attempting intuitive eating until I realised how much weight I had gained over the past year which totally freaked me out, maybe I’ll try again at some point…
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Hi Robyn, I read this post a few months ago when you first published it and really enjoyed it, like I always do. But after working at a weight loss clinic as a medical assistant for experience purposes, I can’t help but notice certain circumstances. Now, I really don’t agree with the practice and treatment at this clinic. Its a very low calorie diet and it actually makes me quite angry on a day to day basis, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do when starting a career…
Anyway, it made me ponder the whole diet thing. After reading your blog for years struggling with my own issues, I am a huge advocate for HAES. These clients that we see, are 300 lbs +. That is clearly unhealthy. And the dietitians that work there have explained that their metabolisms are already damaged and is hard to recover from that. So my question for you is, at what point is dieting necessary? These people are extremely overweight. They obviously need to do something. Does eating more still apply to these people? I feel like its such a sticky spot to be in and I feel bad because they are in such a bad place. I hope I’m explaining my self well and that you understand my question. I guess long story short, How would you treat a person that actually is severely obese?
Hi Amanda,
I hear you. And I’m so glad you’ve resonated with the HAES movement. I hope this post has been helpful in answering a lot of your questions — a wrote a note on the word “obese” in the beginning of the post that I think is really important to remember since that word can create a lot of shame and actually hinder people in finding true health – whatever their natural body size.
HAES is a weight neutral approach. I think the post (if I’m understanding your questions) answers a lot of these. The point I hoped to get across what how to approach health when you are in a larger body. The reader question was similar to what I think you are asking. I don’t think dieting is ever necessary. We know diets don’t work. Let me know if I am misunderstanding and if you have follow up questions – happy to help the best I can!!
Just found this post and would love a follow-up because I don’t feel that Amanda’s question was really answered. At 260 lbs I am considered obese. I don’t mind using the word, to me it’s just a factual word that puts the amount of weight on my body into context. I feel no judgment from it. Anyway, I have sleep apnea and in my case it is CAUSED by my excess weight. This is not true for everyone, there are thin people with apnea, but excess weight is the cuplrit for me and weight loss is my only cure. I understand that we should not focus on the weight when it comes to Intuitive Eating, I get that. However, how do I NOT make it about the weight when the weight is a direct cause of a dangerous health condition? I want to lose weight so I can sleep better again but I don’t want to diet anymore. What do I do? I feel completely stuck.
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